Living with Uchiha
by ThePuppetMaster
Summary: Crackfic. Sequal to Inside the room outside the room. Sakura is now living with both Uchiha brothers, getting drunk, stoned, high on Jesus, all the good lemon stuff. but thats what you get for putting a bunch of horney teens together in one small village.
1. why is Itachi in a chicken outfit?

1It had been two months since Sasuke returned home from the pedofile Orochimaru, who was now, or was I guess since hes dead, a female technically. Sasuke had just returned from another mission that Tsunade had sent him on. He had been on missions none stop as a sort of punishment for betraying the village, so now he was getting a couple weeks off to spend with Sakura. Both he and his brother were on talking terms, they still fought, but no longer killed each other. At least not on purpose.And now Sakura was going to be moving in with Sasuke, and that is where our story begins.

"Hey Sasuke-kun-" Sakura asked as she lifted a box filled with medical books into the back of Sasuke's Chevrolet truck. She was now 16 years old, and Sasuke was 17.

"Yeah what is it Sakura-hime?" he asked in a sarcastic playful voice.

"Didn't you kill your brother before you came back to Konoha?" she asked plopping down on the flat bed of his car as he set down the last of her box's.

"You know what I did." Sasuke said wiping the sweat from his face.

"Then how is it that he is standing over there on the side of the road in a giant yellow chicken costume with a sign that says 'Don't be chicken, get your ears pierced at Joe's tattoo parlor.'"

"Don't know lets ask him. I have been wondering that myself."

So they drove over across the street once the box's were secure.

They pulled up next to the elder Uchiha and Sasuke parked the car and rolled down the passenger window and leaned over Sakura, who had he head out the window as well.

"Itachi, what the hell are you doing?" Sasuke asked.

"This is my probation for being a missing nin. It was Tsunade's idea. I have to have this stupid job to 2 weeks. And don't make fun of me cause im running out of places to hide the bodies." Itachi warned.

"Okay, that isn't all that scary coming from a guy in a giant chicken outfit." Sakura said.

"You be glad your hott Sakura or else I'd kill you."

"Love ya too Itachi." Sakura said sarcastically.

All of a sudden Lee came walking up to the car and stood by Itachi.

Sakura and the two Uchiha brothers were staring at him. Not because he still hadn't shaven/waxed his eye brows yet, but because he was also wearing a giant chicken outfit, but this one was red.

"Hey Lee, I didn't know you worked for Joe's Tattoo parlor too?" Sakura stated.

"I don't." he then started making clucking noises and began to peck at the ground.

"Ahuh, anyway Itachi I remembered what I was going to ask you." Sasuke said.

"You mean besides why I look like big bird." He said.

"Yeah we kinda got that part." Sakura said sweat dropping.

"My question was, didn't I kill you?"

"Yes, but Orochimaru brought be back to life to have sex with me. Kinda like Dan." Itachi answered plucking a feather and chucking it at the ground. But it just lazily floated to the dirt like it was imitating Shikomaru.

"Speaking of Dan, the last time I saw him he was making love to Tsunade. But then he disappeared." Sakura said leaning back against her seat.

"When did he leave? I didn't notice him being gone." Sasuke asked.

Itachi walked up to the car window and said "I think right after I woke up from my drunken state. Oh and do you know why when I woke up my shoulder was bleeding?" Itachi asked

"Nope." both Sakura and Sasuke said together.

"Got to go!" Sasuke said and then reared the engine and drove off to the Uchiha mansion were his brother lived with them so they would be seeing him again.

"That was close." Sakura said as she looked in the rearview mirror to see Itachi walking away but then getting glomped by 7 kids screaming Sesame street. He screamed in pain as Lee jumped the kids.

"Lee is starting to scare me." Sakura said.

"Starting?" Sasuke asked and cocked an eyebrow at her.

"You know what I mean!" Sakura said hitting his arm.

"Hey now missy, don't hit the gun show." Sasuke said smirking at her and rubbing his arm.

"Someone is in a playful mood today." Sakura said scooting to the middle of the seat and leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Well I am getting a new permanent bed partner." Sasuke said as he made a left.

Sakura looked up at him with a scowl on her face, and removed her head.

"What I mean by that is your moving in with me." Sasuke said when he saw her face.

"Nice save Mr cool." she said laying her head back down.

There was a comfortable silence that filled the car. (Sakura live quit a while away from Sasuke)

Sakura then leaned over and turned on the radio. The song that was playing was '**Bad Touch**' by_** Blood Hound Gang.**_

"_Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought  
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about  
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts  
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up  
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds  
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns  
Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined  
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time"  
_

After they got back to the Uchiha manor, which by the way was fucking huge.

Since Sasuke's father was a very popular ninja in the village he obviously had a lot of wealth and thus since he died the money went all to Sasuke, none to Itachi since he was technically the murderer, but that's what they get for giving a killing machine a surprise birthday party. Kill first ask questions later, kinda came with the package.

"Hey Sasuke-." Sakura asked once she set a box down on her bed that held her clothes.

"Lets go to a bar tonight and invite some of our friends. I mean you have been gone a lot lately and I have been swamped at the hospital ever sense that Mononucleosis break out at that gay b ar during last months rainbow night. **(Hahaha look up the kissing disease!)**

"Sure, as soon as were done unpacking we'll do that." Sasuke said kissing her.

Sasuke pressed his body up against Sakuras so that their pelvises were touching, or should I say crushing together.

Sakura moaned into Sasukes mouth when he forced his tongue between her lips and began to taste the roof of her mouth.

She threaded her fingers through his dark locks as he pressed her up against the wall by the bed.

He put one hand on the wall next to Sakuras head and the other hand was wrapped around her waist pulling her to him.

Sakura tilted her head so that she could deepen the kiss.

After a while they had to break for air, due to the fact that they are mammal's and need oxygen, not like fish who breath water. But they weren't in water so if they were fish they'd be screwed. So maybe if they were turtles, wait that would be cool, cause then they could breath from their butts. Uh back to the story.

"Sakura -pant- do you still want to go to the bar? -pant- we could always just stay here and you know..." Sasuke suggested, moving his hand.

"No, we need to be social -pant- you don't want to end up a pessimist -pant- like your brother do you?" Sakura asked.

"Fine, I'll go call Naruto, he should be able to get the word out in a matter of seconds." with that Sasuke left Sakura to finish up with her clothes.

When Sakura came down the stairs Sasuke noticed she changed clothes, she was now wearing a bright red tang top with the words 'My parents told be I could be anything I wanted, so I decided to be a ninja.' which totally made since if you knew her. It had a picture of a stereotypical chibi ninja on the front, and she wore a short jean skirt that had frays everywhere, she also had on fishnet stocking and two inch high heels. Her head protector was tied around head like usual to keep her short hot pink hair back.

She she reached the bottom steps she found Sasuke gawking at her. So when he was in his own little world she got a good look at him.

He was wearing a dark blue short sleeved shirt with a long black biker coat hanging over it un buttoned of course. On the back of his jacket was the symbol for the Uchiha clan. He was wearing loose dark jeans with a chain attached to his wallet and pants. His head protector was tied around his shoulder. He was also wearing black vains.

When Sakura noticed that Sasuke stopped checking her out and was now staring at her staring at him staring at her.

Sakura blushed and said "Um, ready?"

"Yup, lets go." he then kissed her passionately and then walked out the door with her trailing after him.

**OK THIS IS MY NEW STORY HOPE YOU LIKE, I NEED A COUPLE REVIEW SO COME ON AND TELL ME YOUR OPENION!**

**AND SORRY ABOUT HAVING TO RE-DUE THE STORY, I HAD A LOT OF SPELLING ISSUES.**

Signed

-_The Puppet Master_


	2. the twins are great drinking buddies

On Sasukes black motorcycle it had the Uchiha fan on both side of it. **(Yes he owns one) **Sakura was ridding back while Sasuke drove, they had an argument something about women parking diagonal in a parallel parking spot. Sasuke won.

So now they were stopped at a stop light **(duh)** only five blocks from the bar when a escalade

pulled up next to them.

'Shit!' Sakura thought to herself as she held on tighter to Sasukes back.

The window in the front drivers seat rolled down and out stared a teenager no older than maybe 17. There were 4 other guys in the car with them.

Sasuke noticed them staring at Sakura and that made him uneasy.

He looked at them from the corner of his eye and saw them checking Sakura out.

'Not on my watch.' he thought to himself as he brought out a Kunai from his ankle strap without Sakura seeing, and brought it up to his thy and pointed it at them with out even turning around

Sasuke knew that his point was made when the light turned green and the car screeched away over the speed limit almost ran into a tree. Sasuke smirked to himself knowing he had won.

Naruto and Hinata were sitting at a both. Hinata in Naruto's lap. Next to them were Shikamaru Ino and Temari. The two girls were sitting on either side of Shikamaru and both had their hands on his legs, and they were really far up his leg. Shikamaru was wearing a giant purple cowboy had that had leopard print on it. next to the table was a golden cane with a fake diamond on top, engraved on the gold was the name Pimpsta Shika.

Gaara was sitting next to his sister on the end of the table, while Sai being his weird self sat on top of the booth.

Neji, Tenten, Kakashi, Asume and Kiba were sitting on another table right infront of theirs.

A man stumbles up to the bar counter and sits by the only other single ninja in the bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why, of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"

"I'm from the Fire country," replies the man.  
The first man responds, "You don't say. I'm from the fire country too! Let's have another round to Fire country ."

"Of course," replies the man, and they both pour back their drinks.

Curious, the first man then asks, "Where in the fire country are you from?"

"Sound Village," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it!" says the first man. "I'm from Sound too! Let's have another drink to Sound!"

The men both continue drinking. Curiosity strikes again and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?"

"Orochimaru's sound school," replied the man. "I graduated in '89."

"This is unbelievable," the first man says. "I went to Orochimaru's and I graduated in '89, too!"

About that time, in comes Sasuke and Sakura two of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?" Sasuke asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The Kimimaro twins are drunk again."

"Sad." Sakura says and orders a beer, and Sasuke orders a Vodka cooler with tomato's.

"Weird combination." Sakura says as she pushes Naruto over so she could sit down, but he ended up pushing Ino who bumped into Shikamaru and ended up in his lap, thus bumping Temari who was thrown into Gaara who slide off the end of the booth, but due to his sand powers it automatically put sand under his bum and kept him at the same level as what he was at before the domino effect started. He didn't even uncross his legs or blink an eye when he was moved. **(He's basically sitting on the air right next to the booth) **  
"Hey Sasuke-teme, what up? Haven't seen you for a while." Naruto begins the conversation.

"Well, my guess is he's busy getting laid by that hotty, right Sakura-chan?" Sai asked purring in her ear.

"Shut it Penis boy." Sakura said slapping his cheek playfully hard.

"Ow! that hurts right here." Sai said hitting his chest right by his heart..

"Strange cause I hit your face. You should be holding your brain." Sakura said with a playful smile.

"Sai, I wouldn't make fun of those two. Sasuke might kill you now that he found someone to help build his clan again. And I don't really want to try and find a new student again." Kakashi said not looking up from his porno book.

"But you only need 3 peo-" Tenten was cut off by Nejis lips.

"Does that count for Naruto?" Shikamru asked.

"Nope." Kakashi replied still not looking up from cum cum paradise.

"Oh the fun is going to start." Sai said rubbing his hands evilly like Dr evil and smirked at Naruto.

Naruto gulped, and backed away as much as he could with the table squishing his gut, cause Sai was behind him.

Kakashi started to smoke dope and then he started to sing 'Because I got high.'

"Hey Tenten-chan want to see something funny?" Sakura asked leaning over to her friend.

"Sure what?" Tenten asked leaning away from Neji who was trying to suck her face off.

"Im going to do something funny, and I might make Sasuke-kun jealous. So just keep him in his spot."

"And what would that be?"

"Just wait and see." Sakura said she then turned to Sasuke who was having a conversation with Gaara about his sand powers and his inability to be hurt, which was weird cause he never talks, and said. "I'll be right back im going to use the restroom."

She got a 'Hn' as a reply, so she got up and left.

Sakura walked up to the bar coyly and asks "Can I see the manager of a bar?"

The bartender is interested in Sakura and decides to handle the matter himself. He says, "What can I do for you?"

Sakura walks closer, which gets him more excited. "No, I don't think you can help me," Sakura purrs, "I really have to talk to the manager."

Sasuke looked away from Gaara once he started to bang his head against the table to show that he couldn't feel pain, but the demon inside of him thought it was joke night, so when Gaara went to bang his head against the table to show he couldn't be hurt expecting sand to appear, it didn't and he ended up knocking himself out instead. Blood dripped down the tables edge from his mouth.

"Oh my God Gaara!" Temari yelled as she sprang away from Shikamaru to check on her brother.

**(Awww, aint that cute!)**

Sasuke decided he would wait for Sakura to come back when he saw her at the bar talking to the bartender.

By this time Sakura leaned onto the bar, thus showing some of her cleavage. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but the manager isn't available right now, but I'll be happy to help you any way I can." he gave her a dirty smirk.

'Baka.' Sakura thought.

So she gets a bit closer to him and starts rubbing her hands through his hair and across his lips. The bartender is very turned on now and says breathlessly, "So what is it that I can do for you?"

Sasuke was now glaring at the bartender as if he could ignite him on fire by just looking at him. Which he probably could if he used a type of his justsu right.

She gets even closer and allows the bartender to suck slowly on her fingers. Then she says, "Can you tell your manager there's no toilet paper in the ladies' room?"

Sasuke now falls out of his chair anime style while Tenten is behind him laughing her ass off as the Bartender starts gagging and coughing up blood. That last part was weird.

"I hope you get ecoli!" Sasuke shouted as Sakura flaunted her way back to her boyfriend.

"OMG that was great Sakura-chan!" Tenten patted her back as Sasuke glared at Sakura.

But then Tenten was pulled back to a horny Neji and was making out again.

"What is was only a joke?" Sakura said with puppy eyes when she saw glaring at her.

"Some joke, who knew little ugly here could be such a seducing woman." Sai said and patted her ass. Sasuke then punched him in the face making him hit the glass and then fall forward ontop of Naruto.

"Shut it Sai! I don't see you with anyone!" Naruto yelled as he held onto Hinata and pushed him back up.

"Well I got Mr Drunky here!" Sai shouted holding up a unconscious Gaara by the shirt, who had a little bit of blood still on his face from when he met Mr table.

"What ever." Sasuke said.

"Sasuke-kun, come on it was just a joke." Sakura said huskily into his ear. She then kissed the side of his neck then Sasuke turned it into a passionate kiss.

Sasuke smirked against her lips and pulled her closer to him and deepened the kiss immensely.

Sakura then pulled back quickly and said "You lil Bastard you did that just so I would kiss you huh?" Sakura said with amusement in her voice.

"I would have had you do more but you didn't get on my lap." Sasuke said to her pulling her back down to the table.

"I'm going home guys, I've hick had to much hick to drink." Lee said and walked out the door.

Everyone watched him leave the bar.

Silence

Silence

Silence

"Um... when did he get here?" Ino asked from under the table.

"Don't know, keep sucking." Shikamaru said and pushed her head back down hitting Narutos leg slightly..

"Oh God, was she what was touching my leg?!" Naruto yelled sitting up fast which made Hinata fall onto where Ino once was and ended up in Sai's lap cause he had slid down after Sasuke punched him.

"Um..." Hinata said nervously and blushed big time.

"SAI!" Naruto said dangerously.

"Come on man, you pushed her." Sai said trying to back up, but to his back was a pimp getting a blow job, and unconscious bleeding demon and sister, and to his front was an enraged fox demon. So he jumped up and made a run for it.

"No, Naruto, stop." Kakashi said with no enthusiasm what so ever in his voice as he turned a page in his book.

"Don't get too excited now Kakashi." Asuma said sarcastically.

"Don't worry I wont." Kakashi said then lit up a smoke and put it in his little smoke hole in his mask.

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

**OK JUST TO LET PEOPLE KNOW, I DON'T REALLY THINK THERE IS GONNA BE A PLOT TO THIS STORY, JUST SASUKE AND SAKURA LIVING THEIR LIVES AND ALL SORTS OF SHIT HAPPENS, SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, SUCK IT!**

Signed

-_The Puppet Master_


	3. 25 ways to tell how drunk you are

_**Recap**_

"Come on man, you pushed her." Sai said trying to back up, but to his back was a pimp getting a blow job, and unconscious bleeding demon, and to his front was an enraged fox demon. So he jumped up and made a run for it.

"No, Naruto, stop." Kakashi said with no enthusiasm what so ever in his voice as he turned a page in his book.

"Don't get too excited now Kakashi." Asuma said sarcastically.

"Don't worry I wont." Kakashi said then lit up a smoke and put it in his little smoke hole in his mask.

_**End Recap**_

Out side Lee was freaking out cause he thought someone broke into his car so he phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car.

"They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," Lee cried out drunkenly.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same annoying voice of Lee came over the line.

"Never mind," Lee said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."

"What is Lee doing?" Temari asked as she Saw Lee through the window whip of his cell for the second time.

"Don't know, its better not to ask questions about that kid." Kiba said chugging his bud light.

Akimaru barked in agreement.

"Hey Kakashi" Pakkun said.

"Pakkun what you doing here?" Kakashi asked still not looking up.

"Wanted a beer." Pakkun then sat down on Kakashis head thus making his hair defy gravity and flatten down.

The Bartender heard Akimaru barking then saw him sitting on top of Kiba's head and ran over to him to yell at him to get rid of the dog from the bar. Something about the health code.  
But Kiba thinking quickly replies "These aren't no ordinary dogs sir! No, these are talking dogs."

"Im Gonna throw you out of the fu-" he was cut off when Pakkun said, "I just want a damn beer! Who do I have to kill to get a fricken beer around here?"

The bartender is momentarily flustered **(hehe I like that word)**. "Man, you are great ventriloquist but as I said I don't serve dogs!" he yelled

Kiba then say smuggly "Tell you what buddy, put yer money where yer mouth is. I'll go to the can and we'll both put up 10 bucks. If the dog don't talk to ya you keep the money and we'll leave."  
"Easy money Kiba." Kakashi said looking up with his one eye at the bartender.

Both men slap 10 bucks on the bar and our hero struts off to the bathroom. The bartender stares at the dog for a minute and then Pakkun says, "Well am I gonna get my beer numbnuts?" The shocked bartender turns around to get the beer but when he turns back the dogs are gone!

Kiba comes back and says "Where the hell is Akimaru you bastard! Did you fucking sell him on e-bay?" Kiba yelled at the confused man.

"What? No, no! They just left!" the bartender tried to explain.

"Im gonna sue your ass if you don't find him!" Kiba growled.

The bartender then ran outside to look for the dog.

You could hear him whistling in the background.

"Ok were clear Akimaru!" Kiba said. And out came Akimaru holding a huge wad of cash from the cash register in his mouth.

"Nice work, now can I get my beer?" Pakkun asked coming down from his spot on the rafters of the bar.

Kakashi then pored the beer into a peanut dish for the dog and leaned back against the table.

"Ugh... I don't feel so good." Sai said as he rushed to the bathroom.

"Crap, he went into the wrong one!" Tenten said looking up from Neji's great abs. He some how lost his shirt. But she didn't care.

Sakura was writing something down on a small pink notebook that she had.

Where she kept it when they were on the motorcycle was a mystery to Sasuke.

As he leaned over Sakuras shoulder to see what was on the paper, he got distracted by her boobs and began to drool.

Sakura noticed Sasuke staring at what she thought was her notebook and so she through it at his face. Now with Sasuke being the second best Ninja in all of Konoha next to Naruto. Sasuke would have easily caught the book before it even would have left her hand, but this was not a good day for the Uchiha, for it hit his head and cause him to real back into a horny Naruto and Hinata,

"AHH!" Sasuke yelled as his shirt was almost ripped off by the horny teens.

Sasuke then recoiled back forward to a sitting position and looked at Sakura and held the book in his hand.

"Sakura, you made me almost become a three sum with Naruto! Naruto! That just doesn't work. That's just wrong!" Sasuke ranted.

"You done?" Sakura asked calmly.

"Almost." Sasuke said also calmly.

"I mean If I wanted a three way with a guy it wouldn't be Naruto!" Sasuke said.,

"Would it be with me?" Gaara asked sitting up but half conscious.

Sakura and Sasuke looked at him. Then Sasuke said "Let me get back to you on that question."

"So you done yet?" Sakura asked again.

"Yup, so what is this?" Sasuke asked opening it up.

"Its 25 signs you've had too much to drink." Sakura said.

Sasuke flipped through the pages.

And began to read them off.

"One, You lose arguments with inanimate objects."

Sasuke then looked out the window to see Lee yelling at a fire hydrant. Apparently he thought it was bad mouthing him. 

"Two, You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth." he then saw Gaara hit the floor and trying to grab onto anything in his reach, which happened to be Ino, who was still under the table.

"Ahhhh!" she screamed.  
Sasuke ignored them  
"Three, Job interfering with you're drinking." he then looked at Kakashi, and all then made scense.

"Four, Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream."

"Five, Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts."

"Where the fuck is Massachusetts?" Naruto asked taking a breather from his mack out session.

"Six, The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat."

All of a sudden there was a loud thud come from the girls bathroom and out came a bloody and wet Sai.

"What the fuck happened to you? You look like you got in a fight with a toilet and lost." Shikamaru said tapping his pimping cane on the ground.

"The toilet is _evil_!" Sai said taking his spot back onto the booth.

"Seven, Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group."

"Eight, 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case - coincidence?"

"Nope." Kakashi said flipping a page, Sakura just looked at him. 

"Nine, Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!"

"Ten, You can focus better with one eye closed." Again Sai fell off of the booth.

Sasauke just sweat dropped at the poor guy.

"Eleven, The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar."

Naruto looked out the window to see Lee wandering around confusedly.

"Maybe someone should go help him" Naruto said.

"Fine." Asuma then got up and walked from the bar.

"Twelve, Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops."  
"Thirteen, Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!"

"Amen!" Pakkun said from below the table.

"Fourteen, Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you."

"Now that would be funny." Naruto said now listening to him talk.

"Fifteen, At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."  
"Wouldn't be the first time." Kakashi said now leaning over Neji and Tenteni.

"Sixteen, Your idea of cutting back is less salt."

"Seventeen, The whole bar says 'Hi' when you walk in."

"HI!" some random person said as they past their table.

Sasuke then flicked him off.

"Thats being kind." Sakura said.

"Who said I was kind?" Sasuke asked turning to her.

"Never mind, just keep reading." Sakura said sweat dropping.

"Ok, number Eighteen, You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women."

"Did someone say, Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and women?!" Jirayia asked bursting through the doors.

"No pervy saige, now go away." Naruto said.

He just shrugged and ordered a beer and sat down next to Kakashi.

"Nineteen, Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive."

"Um... guilty." Kiba said holding up his hand.

"Ok..." Tenten said scooting away from him.

"Twenty, Roseanne looks good." "OH GOD!" Sasuke said when he read that. And then he dropped the paper.

"Now thats disgusting." Sai said getting back onto the booth once he regained the ability to sit.

"Twenty one, Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass." Temari read when she picked up the paper from the floor.

"Twenty two, That stupid pink elephant followed me home again."

"What?" Temari asked and looked up at Sakura.

"Lets just say I had a little fun with some guys minds in the past." Sakura said laughing evilly on the inside.

"Twenty three, Senator's Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you. Aren't they alcoholics or something?" Temari asked.

"Don't know." Hinata answered.

"Twenty four,"I'm as jober as a sudge."

"I don't get it." Naruto said scratching his head.

"You wouldn't dobe." Sasuke said shaking his head at his friend.

"What did you say teme!?" Naruto threatened.

"Shut it, both of you!" Temari yelled.  
They both slammed their mouths shut in fear of the woman infront of them.

"Twenty five, The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering."

"Ok, so does that mean they piss on it?" Naruto asked.

"Sure, anything you want Naruto." Sai said.

"I don't know some of these people. Are they even Japanese?" Sasuke asked.

"Nope, I don't think so. I heard about them on the Daily show with John Stewert. And the Colbert report." Sakura said shrugging.

"Cool." Sasuke said giving back the book and the leaning back against the booth and took out a cigaret and lit it.

"That can't be good for your health." Sakura said looking at her boyfriend.

"Probably not, but this is a special brand that Kakashi made. It has no traces of any cancer causing shit." Sasuke said with a smirk and took another drag.

"Or so he says." Sakura said sitting on his lap. Now that made him open his eyes.

"Sasuke!" a voice said at the bar door.

Everyone looked at the strange girl wearing short shorts, and over coat, hooker boots and thick glasses.

"The fuck Karin?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes Sasuke my love it is me Karin your one and only true love!" she said draping her arms around his shoulders, which was interesting to watch since Sakura was still on his lap, so she ended up falling on her ass onto the floor by where Gaara was after Sai dropped him.

'Oh not she didn't that bitch.!' Sakura thought.

"Um... can you let go of me?" Sasuke asked trying to pry her arms off his esophagus.

"No! You are my love and I shall never let go!" she yelled rubbing her cheek against his.

Sasuke just cringed and looked at Sakura for help. Thankfully she already was going to kill the girl.

"Hey whore! What are you doing to my man?!" Sakura shouted as she stood up.

"Your man? What are you talking about? Sasuke is my sex toy." Karin said this time reaching down his pant leg, and squeezed.

He flinched and tried to back away from the crazy person.

"Sex toy?" Sakura asked heatedly to the strange woman.

"Yes, back at Orochimaru's we would go at it all the time right after his missions. Right Sasuke-kun?" she asked sweetly.

"We did it once, and you fucking raped me, you put like six date rape drugs in my water bottle!!" Sasuke yelled trying to pry his arms off her.

"How on earth did you find Sasuke?" Neji asked the strange hair styled girl.

"She has the ability to track peoples chakra's" Sasuke said successfully freeing himself.

But she just went back to his neck and clung for dear life.

"Well, now I'm gonna kill you if you don't leave Sasuke alone!" Sakura growled.

"Bring it! Sasuke is mine!" Karin yelled.

"Lets take this outside." Kakashi said snapping his book closed and walking out of the bar.

Karin agreed and so did Sakura.

When Karin was outside the door, that's when Sakura charged her and used her chakra arm and thrust her out into moving traffic were she was hit by a moving semi and killed, he dead body was on its way to Konoku Island, which noone knew where it was.

"That was easy." Kakashi said brining out his book again, and walking back inside.

Sakura smiled as she watched the blood from the weird stalker girl run down the local storm drain.

Then she walked back into the bar and gave Sasuke a kiss.

"You feel better?" Sasuke asked when they parted lips.

"Yup." she then waved over Haku who was serving beer to customers that night.

"Hey Haku, I'll have the Warning beer number 2." Sakura said.

"Ok, anything else for you guys?" he/she asked.

"I'll having Warning beer number...3" Sasuke said looking at the drink list.

"I'll have Warning number 7." Naruto said.

"I'll take a number 6." Gaara said mysteriously awake.

"What's a warning beer number?" Tenten asked after she ordered a John Denials.

"You'll see when they get here." Naruto said kissing Hinata.

When they came Naruto grabbed his beer and read the label on the side of his drink

"7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob." Naruto read off.

"Aint that true for you dobe." Sasuke said as he drank from his number 6.

"The fuck you say teme!?" Naruto yelled.

"Well what does yours say Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked leaning over him trying to avoid a fight.

Sasuke turned his can to the side and read "3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you."

"Aint that right Mr 'I want to kill a certain man.' hahahahaaha" Naruto laughed.

Sasuke just glared at him.

"Mine says 2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot."

Sakura said.

"Dance like noones watching!" Ino and Tenten yelled.

"Whats yours say Gaara?" Temari asked her younger brother.

He looked at his can and said in a monotone voice

"6 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead."

"HAHAHAHAHAHHA" everyone started laughing hysterically.

"I don't get it?" Gaara said confused.

"Gaara you got some dried blood on your head still." Sakura said between a fit of laughter.

**Crap! Sorry! I uploaded the wrong file!!!!!!!**

**IM soooooooooooo sssoooooorrrrryyyyy, so heres the real file!**

**Review and I'll get a new chappy by this weekend!**

Signed

-_The Puppet Master_


	4. There is no E

1RECAP:

"That can't be good for your health." Sakura said looking at her boyfriend.

"Probably not, but this is a special brand that Kakashi made. It has no traces of any cancer causing shit." Sasuke said with a smirk and took another drag.

"Or so he says." Sakura said sitting on his lap. Now that made him open his eyes.

END RECAP:

"Sasuke!" a voice said at the bar door.

Everyone looked at the strange girl wearing short shorts, and over coat, hooker boots and thick glasses.

"The fuck Karin?" Sasuke asked.

"Karin?" Sakura said to herself confused.

"Yes Sasuke my love it is I Karin your one and only love!" she said draping her arms around his shoulders, which was interesting to watch since Sakura was still on his lap, so Sakura ended up falling on her ass onto the floor by where Gaara was after Sai dropped him.

'Oh not she didn't that bitch.!' Sakura thought.

"Um... can you let go of me?" Sasuke asked trying to pry her arms off his esophagus.

"No! You are my love and I shall never let go!" she yelled rubbing her cheek against his.

Sasuke just cringed and looked at Sakura for help. Thankfully she already was going to kill the girl.

"Hey whore! What are you doing to my man?!" Sakura shouted as she stood up.

"Your man? What are you talking about? Sasuke is my sex toy." Karin purred this time reaching down his pant leg to his you know...

He flinched and tried to back away from the crazy person trying to molest him.

"Sex toy?" Sakura asked heatedly to the strange woman. Fire in her normal sea foam eyes.

"Yes, back at Orochimaru's we would go at it all the time right after his missions. Right Sasuke-kun?" she asked sweetly.

"We did it once, and you date raped me!" Sasuke yelled trying to pry his arms off her.

"Are you really that strong?" Hinata asked shyly from under naruto who had fallen over in a drunken spurt.

"What? No! She broke into Kabutos lab and stole a gallon of a new date rape drug that Kabuto was planing on using on Orochimaru so he could get into his pants, but she stole it then put it into my water system so when I got back to take a shower I basically past out on my bed."

Sasuke said again trying to dislodge the girl currently trying to pop his head off.

"You don't drink shower water Sasuke." Neji said from behind him.

"Well when I came out she hit me on the head with a giant metal dildo that belonged to Kabuto and I was knocked out then injected with the drug." Sasuke said again turning purple from loss of oxygen.

"How on earth did you find Sasuke?" Asuma asked the strange hair styled girl randomly after Sasuke was almost past out.

"She has the ability to track peoples chakra's" Sasuke said successfully freeing him self and taking in grateful breaths of air.

"Well, now im gonna kill you if you don't leave Sasuke alone!" Sakura growled.

"And who might you be?" Karin asked smuggly.

"I'm Tsunade-sama's apprentice, number one metical Konechi (spl?) In the village hidden in the leafs, and Sasukes girlfriend!" Sakura said the last part with possesion.

"Well bring it bitch, cause Sasuke is mine!" Karin yelled.

"Lets bring this out side." Kakashi said snapping his book closed and walking out of the bar.

Karin agreed and so did Sakura and they headed out of the bar. Karin was outside the door when Sakura suddenly charged her from behind and used her chakra filled arm and thrust her out into moving traffic were she was hit by a moving semi and killed. He body was then on its way to Mexico where the truck driver would sell her body to a Mexican restaurant and used as the Special del Casa.

"Dude, she dead." Kiba said ghetto style.

"Damn straight!" Kankuro said out of no where.

**(Ok I just watched the new naruto episodes, online, the ones where they are all older and Gaara gets kidnaped. Sry sppoiler, and Kankuro goes to rescue him but ends up basically dying but doesn't. And he is HOTT)**

"Kankuro! When did you get here?" Temari asked sitting up straight.

"Just now, what are you doing?" Kankuro asked his sister. **(Is he older or younger than her?)**

"Nothing..." Temari said with a smile.

"That was easy." Kakashi said brining out his book again, though what he said was a total delayed reaction.

Sakura smiled as she watched the blood from the weird stalker girl run down the local storm drain.

Then she walked back into the bar and gave Sasuke a kiss.

"You feel better?" Sasuke asked when they parted lips.

"Yup." she then waved over Haku who was serving beer to customers that night.

"Hey Haku, I'll have the Warning beer number 2." Sakura said.

"Ok, anything else for you guys?" he/she asked.

"I'll having Warning beer number...3" Sasuke said looking at the drink list.

"I'll have Warning number 7." Naruto said getting up off Hinata.

"I'll take a number 6." Gaara said mysteriously awake.

"HOLY SHIT!" Sasuke said and did a total anime flinched to the left. **(You know when they bring their hands to the side, and their legs up?)**

"What is a warning beer number?" Tenten asked after she ordered a John Danials.

"You'll see when they get here." Naruto said kissing Hinata.

When they came Naruto grabbed his beer and read the lable on the side of his drink

"7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob." Naruto read off.

"Aint that true for you dobe." Sasuke said as he drank from his number 6.

"Well what does yours say Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked leaning over him.

Sasuke turned his can to the side and read "3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you."

"Aint that right Mr 'I want to kill a certain man.' hahahahaaha" Naruto laughed.

Sasuke just glared at him.

"Mine says 2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot."

Sakura said.

"Dance like noones watching!" Ino and Tenten yelled.

"Whats yours say Gaara?" Temari asked her younger brother.

He looked at his can and said in a monotone voice

"WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead."

"HAHAHAHAHAHHA" everyone started laughing hysterically.

"I don't get it?" Gaara said confused.

"Gaara you got some dried blood on your head still." Sakura said between a fit of laughter.

Gaara then got up and went to the bathroom to wash it off. Sai followed him giggling like a school girl.

"Should we be concerned?" Hinata asked as she saw Sai shut the bathroom door.

"Probably." Sasuke said taking a sip of his warning number 3.

It was an hour later and 12 am. A couple of the guys were drunk and Sasuke was of course not drunk cause he is the number one liquor holder in all of Konoha.

Naruto grabbed his arm and said "Hey Sasuke, Sai is drunk off his ass and just fell asleep. Wanna have some fun with him?"

Now Sasuke being who he is said "Hell yeah, you in Sakura?"

She shrugged and agreed.

Sakura took Naruto's keys and drove his orange mustang a little bit away from the road and parked it infront of a very large tree got out of the drivers seat so Naruto and Sasuke could get Sai in.

They buckled him in the drivers seat and got in the back. Sasuke had turned on the headlights and put on the emergency break then climbed into the passenger side.

When he got in all three of them started to scream.

That woke Sai up and he freaked out trying to turn the parked car away from the 'One coming' tree. He began to scream and yell bloody murder. But when he noticed that the car wasn't moving the guys in the back started laughing like crazy.

"Hahahahaha. Omg you should have seen your face Sai!" Naruto laughed as he high fived Sakura.

"Sai just glaried daggers at their backs, but then smiled when he saw Gaara run into the bathroom about to blow chunks.

When they re-entered the bar they saw Kakashi getting the hugest glass of Sam Adams the world has ever seen.

Kakashi had put his hands together and seemed to be praying.

"Kakashi-sensie what are you doing?" Sakura asked sitting down in a booth and leaned over the side of it so she could see her Sensie.

"Our lager,  
Which art in barrels,Hollowed be thy drink.  
I will be drunk,At home as in the travern.  
Give us this day our foamy head,  
And forgive us our spillages,  
As we forgive those who spill against us.  
And lead us not into incarceration,  
But deliver us from hangerovers.  
For thine is the beer. he bitter and The lager  
Forever and ever,  
Barmen." Kakashi prayed.

"Um... okay..." Sakura said but then she was pulled back into the booth by two strong arms.

"Hey there beautiful, I just realized that we haven't had any fun for a couple days." Sasuke said kissing her neck.

Sakura giggled and said "Shikamarus dad owns the bar and I know for a fact that there is a spar room in the back." Sasuke said into her ear.

"That explains the always drunken behavior." Sakura said.

"A little later, Neji and Tenten are using it now." Shikamru said as he held his drunken bitches.

**(Hahaha I laughed when I wrote that.)**

As if on cue they all heard a loud moan come from where the bathrooms are.

"Wait, I thought the Back room was on the other side of the bar." Sakura said.

"It is, did Gaara ever come back from the bathroom?" Sasuke asked Naruto.

"Hick Thish isn't my bedroom?" Naruto asked drunkenly.

"Huh?" Sasuke asked as he looked at Naruto.

"Quick to my Notebook!" Sakure yelled grabbing her notebook from under a drunken Kiba.

"Ok Naruto I'm gonna ask you some questions k'?" Sakura asked.

"Huh?" Naruto asked looking up lazily.

"1st. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: (a) the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin." Sakura asked looking up at him.

"Im married?" Naruto asked scratching his head..

"2nd. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: (a) the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever."

"I am a plumber! Yeah!" Naruto sang.

"What?" Kankuro asked looking over at him.

"3. Try walking." Naruto fell under the table.

"Now that is true talent." Shikamaru said smirking.

"What happened? Did you: (a) find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; ( c)walk two feet then fall over (d) other."

They looked down at him.  
"Ill put C." Sasuke said who was keeping his score.

Ino and Temari grabbed Naruto by the shoulder and hulled him up.

"4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: (a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) climbed on the back of a truck (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 Japanese import."  
"I live in Japan. So why do I Hick have blond hair?" Naruto asked getting off the floor.

"Well say a." Hinata said leaning over Sasuke and putting a check next to it.

"5. What do you think of your strength? I am: (a) invincible; (b) stronger than anyone in the bar; (c) as strong as the average man; (d) a weak and pathetic being."

"I am the Hofrickenkage Burp"

"Honestly Hinata I don't get what you see in him." Sai said.

"The hell did you come from!?" Kiba yelled then fell over the table and just laid there.

"Question answer values" Sasuke began as he looked at the sheet.

"For every question answered with an A, add ten points.  
For every question answered with a B, add five points.  
For every question answered with a C, do not change the score.  
For every question answered with a D, subtract five points.  
For every question answered with an E, add one hundred points."

"Wait there was and E?" Naruto asked looking dumbfounded.

"Results; For scores ranging from fifty to 135, congratulations. You're over and above the normal drunk. Generally, at least they are able to select a valid option. An e option does not even exist on this test. You should probably check yourself into a hospital for alcohol poisoning.  
For scores ranging from thirty-five to fifty, you had ten too many beers. If you plan on driving home, make out a will first--that is, if you can even remember your own name. Lastly, don't even think about standing up.  
For scores ranging from fifteen to thirty-five, you have had one too many beers. Don't drive unless you want a higher insurance rate. Standing up will probably result in injury.  
For scores ranging from zero to fifteen, you may want to stop drinking now. You have probably had enough beers but don't drive unless you want a ticket. If you choose to ignore the tip to stop drinking, it is not a problem; you probably still have the ability to stand up.  
For scores ranging from negative twenty-five to zero, you must just be getting started! I bet you don't even have one beer in you. In terms of driving, you are probably just getting out of the car and are walking to the bar this very moment."

"You scored 129, sad dude" Kakashi said.

"Yeah! hick" Naruto yelled then passed out.

**YEAH! I GOT A NEW CHAPPY! PLEASE REVIEW CAUSE I REALLY WANT TO WRITE ANOTHER ONE! BUT ONLY IF I GET REVIEWS!.**

Signed

-_The Puppet Master_


	5. Because i got high, and Lemons

1A man then came over the intercom, which was weird cause the bar was only the size of a barn and there was only the Naruto gang, and a couple drunken husbands not wanting to go home to their wives.

"Its Karaoke night!"

Gaara then suddenly stood up and walked over to the microphone.

Temari and Konkuro then smiled and Konkuro then dug in Sasukes trench coat and pulled out a CD.

"Whoa!" Sasuke said when a random CD was pulled from him.

"Im David freaken Copperfield." Konkuro said then gave the CD to Temari who then hooked it up to the DJ thingy and the song started.

It was 'Puppet.' by Thousand Foot Krutch.

**Gonna get this party started!**

**(Guitar solo began)**

**it's all around me,  
and I can't wish this away,   
you so amaze me,  
you took my monster away, (x2)  
Wake me, c'mon and wake me up now I  
want to cut off my strings and break,   
loose of your control of me,  
cut your strings and be free with me, (x2)**

(bridge)

Everybody, shake your body,   
lift your hands, stop frontin',  
you're just a puppet, (x2) 

To all the marionettes

(chorus)  
If your gonna run, how fast ya gonna run?,  
and If your gonna jump, how high can you jump?,  
all you perpetrators be walkin' round frontin',   
what?, you fakers afraid to stand for somethin'?/ why don't ya stand

up n' break me off somethin'?(x2)  
Ya wanna make it outta sight?,  
somebody wanna get live tonight?,  
we can hit that, flip that, settle the score,  
'n' ain't nobody rock a crowd like this before,  
ya wanna make it outta sight?, somebody wanna get live tonight?, like an earthquake, let it shake, make the floor vibrate, Krutch y'all,  
back to set the record straight. All y'all people, listen, it's on,  
Krutch marauders we on a mission, hittin' ya with the air ammunition, at war with the puppet master, ..   
I'll bring it on if I had to, rip it 'n' leave the whole scene shattered, like, chik, blaow!, what ya think of me now,  
I'm lettin' my dawgs out,  
makin' it loud so hear me shout, what?,  
we be comin' laced with bass,  
hit the place with no trace,  
when we rock the space,

(bridge)

Everybody, shake your body,  
lift your hands, stop frontin',  
you're just a puppet, (x2)

to all the people still sleepin'

People were cheering at Gaaras ability not only to sing but the fact that he sang for people.

Naruto then shot up and ran to the microphone and flipped through the song list on the CD that was in Sasukes pocket.

"I still don't know where that came from." he said to Sakura.

Naruto began his song. 'Animal I have become' by** three days grace**.

**I can't escape this hell  
So many times i've tried  
But i'm still caged inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself**

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
(This animal, this animal)

I can't escape myself  
(I can't escape myself)So many times i've lied(So many times i've lied)  
But there's still rage insideSomebody get me through this nightmareI can't control myselfSo what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real meSomebody help me tame this animal  
Somebody help me through this nightmareI can't control myself  
Somebody wake me from this nightmareI can't escape this hell(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)  
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
(This animal I have become)

"Yeah!!"

"Go Naruto-kun!!" Sakura and Hinata yelled.

"Way to go dobe you got some pips there." Sasuke said

"hahaaha" Sai laughed.

"Id like to see you do any better." Naruto challanged.

"Fine I will."

He then went through the songs and found one he liked and played it.

Sai got a guitar from out of no where and began to play the happy song.

"The hell!?" Sasuke asked as he began.

**I am really special cuz there's only one of me,**

**look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me,**

**when I'm sad and lonely,**

**I like to sing this song it cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long,**

**oh oh oh I'm so happy, **

**I can barely breathe puppy dogs and sugar frogs and kittens, baby teeth,**

**watch out all you mothers, I'm happy, it's hardcore,**

**happy as a coupon for a $20 whore ha-ha-ha hah,**

**I'm really happy, **

**I'm sugar coated me, **

**happy, good, anger, bad, that's my philosophy,**

**(Spoken: I can't do this, man. I'm not happy.)**

**I am really special, cuz there's only one of me,**

**Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me,**

**These are my lovehandles, and this is my spout,**

**but if you tip me over, **

**then mama said knock you out,**

**I am special, I am happy, **

**I am gonna heave welcome to my happy world, now get your shit and leave I am happy, I am good, I am... **(Spoken: I'm Outta Here! Screw You)"

Sai then walked out of the bar.

Silance

Silance

"Ok, your turn Hinata!-chan" Naruto said pushing her up on stage.

"Um..." Hinata said looking at the song list she then chose one.

It was '_Faint_' by **Linkin Park**

**I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard  
Handful of complaints, but I can help the fact, that everybody can see these scars  
What I want you to want, what I want you to feel  
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real  
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
But I'll be here 'cause you want what I've got**

I can't feel the way I did before  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored  
Time won't heal this damage anymore  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored

I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident  
'Cause you don't understand, I do what I can, but sometimes I don't make sense  
I say what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt  
It's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, for once just to hear me out  
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do  
Face away and pretend that I'm notBut I'll be here 'cause you want what I've got  
I can't feel the way I did beforeDon't turn your back on meI won't be ignoredTime won't heal this damage anymoreDon't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored

Now Hear me out now  
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not  
Right now  
Hear me out nowYou're gonna listen to me, like it or not  
Right nowI can't feel the way I did beforeDon't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignoredI can't feel the way I did before  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored  
Time won't heal this damage anymoreDon't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored

I can't feel  
I won't be ignored  
Time won't heal  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored_...  
_

"That is dedicated to my father." Hinata said into the microphone softly once she was done the ascended from the stage.

She then climbed over Sasuke and Sakura to get back onto Narutos lap.

"That was beautifully punk!" Naruto said kissing her.

"Sakura-chan, why don't you try?" Sasuke said turning to her.

"Sure! Im sure that mix CD that was pulled from your pocket will have a song I like."

"I swear I don't know where it came from!" Sasuke defended as Sakura climbed over him to the stage.

"Sure whatever you say Felix." Naruto laughed. **(Incase you don't get it. Hes revering to Felix and his yellow bag of tricks. Google it! I know some of you remember him!)**

Sakura stood up and looked at the play list then smile as she clicked a song she liked.

Sakura held the microphone a little away from her mouth as the song began. A piano could be heard in the background.

How can you see into my

eyes like open doors 

leading you down into my core 

where I've become so

numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold   
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become

now that I know what I'm without  
you can't just leave me  
breathe into me and make me real  
bring me to life

(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
got to open my eyes to everything  
without a thought without a voice without a soul  
don't let me die here  
there must be something more  
bring me to life

(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become

(Bring me to life)  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside  
(Bring me to life) 

"Sakura.." Sasuke said as he watched her climb from the stage.

"Yeah,?" she asked looking into his eyes.

"I'm sorry I hurt you." Sasuke said looking away. Ashamed of his past.

"Don't worry, you here now and thats all that matters." she then kissed him lightly on the lips. 

Then Kakashi and some other guys got up and started signing "because I got High" by Afroman. And you can just imagine it yourself what happened.

"It's Like, I don't care about nothin man,  
roll another blunt, Yea (ohh ohh ohh)," Kabuto said into a mic.

"La da da da da da La, Da Daaa,  
La da da da, La da da da, La da da daaa" the drunken guys started.

"I was gonna clean my room until I got high  
I was gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high  
my room is still messed up and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,  
- cause I got high." Kiba sang with Akimaru on his head.

(La da da da da da da da da)

"I was gonna go to class before I got high  
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high" Naruto sang.  
(La da da da da da da da da)  
"I am taking it next semester and I know why, (why man?) yea heyy,  
- cause I got high." that was Neji.

(La da da da da da da da da)

"I was gonna go to work but then I got high  
I just got a new promotion but I got high  
now I'm selling dope and I know why (why man?) yea heayy,  
- cause I got high" Kakashi sang. At that one everyone laughed.

(La da da da da da da da da)  
"I was gonna go to court before I got high  
I was gonna pay my child support but then I got high  
they took my whole paycheck and I know why (why man?) yea heayy,  
- cause I got high" Iruka sang, then Kakashi kissed him and they fell from the stage in what any fangirl would scream over. YAIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(La da da da da da da da da)

"I wasn't gonna run from the cops but I was high  
I was gonna pull right over and stop but I was high." Itachi sang from the rafters of the bar.

"The fuck?" Sasuke said as he looked at his brother still in the chicken outfit.  
(La da da da da da da da da)  
"Now I am a paraplegic and i know why (why man?) yea heayy,  
- because I got high." Lee sang that part.

(La da da da da da da da da)

"I was gonna pay my car note until I got high  
I wasn't gonna gamble on the boat but then I got high  
now the tow truck is pulling away and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,  
- because I got high." Tsunade sang with a sake bottle in her hand from the bar table.

All the guys that didn't know her were staring at her chest. Bad idea, she then smacked every guy in her path that was staring at her and Kakashi who had lost his pants and Iruka was sucking hie cock. "Holy shit monkeys of the underworld I need a camera!" she called.

(La da da da da da da da da)

"I was gonna make love to you but then I got high  
I was gonna eat yo pussy too but then I got high  
now I'm jacking off and I know why, yea heyy,  
- cause I got high." Asume sang as he watched Kurinia walked off with her red eyes and feather like hair with Genma and his senbon.

(La da da da da da da da da)

"I messed up my entire life because I got high  
I lost my kids and wife because I got high  
now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,  
- cause I got high." Ebisu sang sadly.

(La da da da da da da da da)

"I'm gonna stop singing this song because I'm high  
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm high  
and if I dont sell one copy I know why (why man?) yea heyy,- cause I'm high." Kakashi said.

"La da da da da da, La da da da, Shoop shooby doo wop.

Get jiggy wit it, skibbidy bee bop diddy do wahhh

- cause I'm high" Naruto and Sasuke sang just for the fun of it.

(hey where the cluck at cuz) _"Bukock!" _Lee yelled like a chicken.

"Well my name is afroman and I'm from east pomdale (east-pom-dale)  
and all the tolweed I be smokin is bomb as helllllll (excelent delivery)  
I don't beleive in Hitler, that's what I said (oh my goodness)  
so all of you skins (skins) please give me more head." Juriya yelled.

"Hey, Sakura-chan. Neji and Ten-ten are out of the room now." Sasuke purred into her ear making the girl blush as she felt his breath hit the shell of her ear.

Sakura only nodded as he grabbed her hand and led them off into the back bedroom.

LEMON STARTS HERE

Sasuke pulled Sakura to his chest before they even got to the door. She was thrown to his front and his mouth crashed to her in a deep and passionate kiss.

Sasuke wrapped his arm around her waist and kicked open the door to the room and laid her onto the futon in the corner and kicked the door shut again.

Gaara smiled faintly as he saw Sakura and Sasuke rush to the backroom. "Gee, I wonder what they're going to do." He said lightly, arching one thin invisible eyebrow at Shikamaru. He turned to face the Pimp.

Shikamaru chuckled. "Probably have deep meaningful conversation on opposite sides of the room." He replied smoothly. They snickered at that.

Sakura gasped as he attacked her mouth again without mercy.

Sasuke only moved down her neck and started to suck on the junction between her neck and jaw.

"Itachi." Sakura said. Sasuke then sat up and looked at her as he scratched the back of his head and said. . "Uhm. It would really help if you didn't use my brother's name when we're kissing..."

"No, he standing right behind you with a camera that says "Sasuke and Sakura 2" Sakura said giggling.

"Itachi get out." Sasuke said calmly.

"No way little brother, you know how much money your first porno cost!? Then the one with you and Sakura got a good penny too." Itachi said smirking and turned on the camera.

"Fisrt?" Sakura asked as Sasuke straddled her waist.

"Gaara. It was a Yaio thing. Don't ask." Sasuke said capturing her lips again.

"You can watch it later if you want Sakura-_chan_." Itachi said as he set his camera down on a table and ran from the room.

"Forget him." Sasuke said as he took Sakuras bottom lip between his teath and started to suck on it.

Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her slender fingers through his dark strands of soft hair.

Sasuke moved down her neck and found a nice spot and decided to give it a good hicky.

Sakura moaned as Sasukes hands went up her shirt to massage her breasts.

"Sasuke." Sakura breathed his name as he pressed his hips onto hers.

Sasuke could feel a tightening of his pants as she said his name to erotically.

"Hmm, Sakura I want you badly." Sasuke said/moaned as he removed her shirt fully and then her pants.

Sakura obliged as she threw her shirt over their shoulders leaving her in her pink bra and thong. Sasuke ditched his shirt and pants as well. He was now clad only in his black baggy boxers.

Sasuke removed Sakuras bra with his teeth and then began to suck on one supplant breast.

Sakura arched her back into her warm touch. She subconsciously bucked her hips up onto his throbbing member causing him to moan in pleasure against her breast.

Sakura then kicked off her panties and began to kiss down Sasukes chest.

In return for her action Sasuke then brought his pelvis down to grind her pussy. Sakura screamed in pleasure as his shaft brushed against her entrance.

Thats all that took it as Sasuke flung off his boxers leaving them both naked as the day they were born and brought his long hard pulsing cock, already dripping with precum.

He then brought it to her waiting clit and slowly pushed in, relishing in the sounds that only he could make Sakura make.

Sasuke smirked as he felt his whole shaft squeeze tightly in the warm soft folds of Sakuras inner skin.

When he knew that Sakura adjusted to his size, which didn't take long as to this would be their third time having sex, Sasuke brought his dick out almost all the way and slammed it down onto her pussy.

"Sasuke!" Sakura screamed as he began to pound her ass into the floor, and by god she was loving every second of it.

Sweat began to form on both Sakura and Sasukes perfect chest as he thrust harder into his lover below him.

"Ahhh!" Sakura yelled as Sasuke's smirk grew bigger as he found her special spot, and pulled out and slammed back in right on that same spot making her scream.

Sasuke could feel her cumming as her walls tightened around his now slick dick.

With a final thrust Sakura was screaming his name at the top of her voice as he did the same as his hot seed filled her.

Both saw only white heat infront of their eyes as the effects of the orgasm cooled down slightly.

"I love you Sasuke." Sakura said as she lay her head onto his sleek sweat covered chest and looked into his eyes.

"I love you too." Sasuke said as he kissed her gently and just held her close as they recovered from what must have been their best sex.

About ten minutes later they got up and dressed, but then Sasuke pushed Sakura onto the bed and started to climb over her waist from the edge of the bed to kiss her on the mouth.

"Sasuke! Hahaha we need to get dressed not undressed." Sakura laughed as she pushed him off her and walked to the door.

Sasuke just groaned and looked down at his _little friend_ who decided to come up and pay him and unwanted visit in his pants.

'Damn, think of bad thought bad thoughts, Sakura covered in syrup, NO! Not those bad thoughts, um... Kakashi, Orange book, porn, DAMN! Um.. School, Iruka Kakashi, Yaoi GOD FUCK IT!!!!, Itchi, yes, Itachi, Itahci in a bikini, oh god ew...bad image, bad image!' Sasuke thought as his _tent _went down and he walked out of the room to his friends.

OUTSIDE THE BACKROOM

"Iruka. Wheres Sasuke and Sakura?" Kakashi asked as he sucked the skin on Irukas now exposed neck.

"In the back room." Iruka moaned to his apparently new lover.

"God, please tell me they weren't doing it like rabbits on steroids in broad daylight again"

"Of course not." Iruka said sitting up. "Its night time." with that he glomped Kakashi tackling him to the floor.

The bar tender then walked up to them and said. "Hey, your gonna have to leave we don't want any of that right here."

"Hey, you bastard!" Kakashi yelled getting up and glaring at the guy.

"Just cause were Yaio doesn't mean you can kick us out. What are you a homophobic!?" Kakashi yelled at the poor man.

"What? No you can stay in the bar and have sex with that guy for all I care. Its just that you two are blocking the fire exit." the guy said returning to the bar where a drunken Tsunade sat.

"Oh, ok!" he said and then went back to being glomped by Iruka.

"Sasuke-teme, where have you been?" Naruto asked with a grin on his face as he held Hinata close to his chest.

"None, of your damn business dobe." Sasuke said with his trade mark smirk on his face.

"Eww, you two smell like Kakashi and Iruka!" Kiba yelled at Sasuke.

"Huh?" Sakura asked looking at him. Kiba just pointed to the two having sex on the floor.

"Oh!" Sakura said blushing and turning away from the fangirl dream.

"Quick Kisame! Get the camera! I bet I could get 100,000 yean for this!" Itachi yelled tripping over Gaara who was laying on the floor next to a bowl of peanuts and a cell phone.

Itachi landed on his face while Kisame stepped over him and started video tapping.

**(The reason im doing this is because im hopping on getting a new video cam corder for my birthday tomorrow)**

"Alright, now all of you drunks get the hell out of my bar!" the bartender yelled apparently made at the prono going on in his bar.

"Come on! Isn't there a prize or something?!" Naruto yelled back over the loud walls of drunken laughter that was mainly coming from his friends.

"Prize, for what?" the bartender asked.

"The song contest." Naruto replied throwing an empty bowl at his head.

The man was sitting right next to Tsunade and it smacked him in the face. Tsunade didn't even flinch as the 100mph bowl flew one inch past her head into the skull of the idiot behind her.

"No, now out before I tell the fangirls where your at!" the bartender's brother warned, waving a phone above his head.

And Wosh everyone was out of the bar.

"Come again soon." Haku waved as a herd of Fangirls ran around the bar corner.

"Hurry Iruka!" Kakashi called from his motorcycle. Iruka hopped onto the black bike and Kakashi through him a blood red helmet and then zoomed off.

About 15 rabid fangirls tried to chase them but then got taken out by Kiba and Konkuro in his Jaguar.** (Crap I spl that right? I don't now cars much so can give me list plz?) **

"Holy Shit! That's scarier than a PMSing homophobic mother with a weed-whacker at a gay bar on rainbow night." Naruto yelled as he did a Dukes of hazard slide on his car hood while Hinata did the same but through the window.

Sasuke and Sakura were running to Sasukes bike and jumped on.

They just made it out of the parking lot when a herd of 20 Sas_Uke_ fans came tarring down the side walk. Yelling "Uke, Uke Uke."

"Come on! At least make me Seme!" Sasuke yelled to them.

"Oh Shit Yaio fans!" Sakura said ducking her head as a dildo was thrown at her.

"Did that blonde girl just throw a dildo at you ?!" Sasuke yelled/asked over the wind once they got on the main road to his mansion.

"I think she did." Sakura said still traumatized.

"Look out!" Sakura said as a crazy male Sakura fanboy jumped infront of the bike with a steal dildo in hand.

"Shiiiit!" Sasuke said as he made a sharp left turn and almost flipped the bike completely onto its side, but then straightened it out as he got away from the creepy fanboys..

"You ok Sakura?" Sasuke asked once the bike was steady again.

"You mean other than almost running down a suicidal male with a steal dildo, then yes, Sasuke I'm fine." She then hugged his sides tight as they drove on through the streets of Konoha past closed venders.

They made several turns before they got to the mansion. **(Because of how close the houses and businesses are.**)

Finally getting to their house Sasuke dismounted the bike and pushed it into the garage and walked into the house with Sakura..

"I need to use the computer." Sakura said as she rushed into the den like she was on her period and smelt chocolate.

Sasuke just sauntered in after his girlfriend and crashed onto the couch making the evil dust bunnies below him start their evil plan to kill all of humanity by suffocating them and scampered up into the air to kill the little stringy things in Sasukes lungs.

Sasuke just sneezed. You could hear tiny voices saying "Nooo... our plan has failed!" and "Death to America!"

"Dumn ass, you in the wrong suicidal cult!" the idiot was then killed and his body was burned into the end of Sasukes cigaret that he had lit.

Sasuke just scratched his nose as Sakura said bless you.

Sasuke had passed out at one point but then woke up to hearing Sakura swear a nice colorful word.

"Damn," Sakura said.

"What?" Sasuke said rolling over the side of the couch to see what she was doing on the computer.

"My computer got hacked by Godzilla again." she said as she slammed her head down against the table. Sasuke just grimaced at her.

Sasuke just looked at her and took in a drag.

"Godzilla?" Sasuke asked raising a delicate eyebrow at the pink haired Kunichi. (Cant spl!!)

"Yeah, hes some dude that went to the academy with us and he somehow hacked into my computer then, he used to fart all the time and really loudly in the middle of class it was s-".

She was interrupted as Gaara prodded her with a broom handle.

"AHH!!" Sakura yelled and turned around to look at the emo boy.

"Gaara get the hell out of my house!" Sasuke said not getting up from his position on the couch.

"I'm so happy because today I found my friends - they were in the back of your trunk." Gaara said taking out an old teddy bear.

"Gaara I don't have a trunk. I drive a motorcycle." Sasuke said slowly.

"Then whos car did my sand crush?" Gaara asked cocking his head to the side.

Just then they heard a "What the fuck happened to my car!" it was Itachi.

"And, I don't have a place to stay, our house is being fumigated. Apparently Temari pissed off Shino, something about her hair spray killing his little brother cockroach. and you know..." Gaara said smiling.

"Yeah, okay you can stay here. But what about Temari and Konkuro, where are they staying?" Sasuke said turning his head to look at him.

Sakura was looking at the broom handle and getting dirty thoughts, but then Gaara took back the broom and hide it somewhere unknown.

"Temari is at Shikamarus with Ino, and Konkuro is staying with Kiba." Gaara said scratching his tattoo of Love on his forehead..

"Whatever, guest bedroom is on the second floor, the one to the right of the hall from the room that says "If you come in here you will get the red eye." sign." Sasuke said flipping over onto his stomach.

"K' I'll just use the bathroom down here first." with that Gaara put down his gourd cause it wouldn't fit through the bathroom door and left to go piss.

Ten minutes later Gaara's gourd was still on the ground by Sakura who was still changing her computers passwords to keep out the 'Evil Godzilla of doom' out, as Sakura called him.

But Sasuke got made saying that she copywrote it from him who called his science teacher the 'Fat Bitch Of Doom.' The fight ended with them making out on the floor under the couch until they noticed Gaara was still gone.

"I'll be back." Sasuke said and stood up, but with a slight tent in his awesome black baggy pants.

Sakura followed him to the kitchen and sat down on a chair as Sasuke disappeared to look for the Kazekage.

Alone in the kitchen, Sakura was starting to wonder if maybe Gaara had fallen in the toilet, and somehow couldn't swim, and then drowned.

Then suddenly she heard a "SASUKE! YOU FUCKING RAPIST DON'T YOU TOUCH ME!"

And out came a wet Sasuke with a naked wet Gaara.

"Hahahahahahaha!!!" Sakura laughed and rolled around on the floor on her ass.

"What the hahaa happened to you?!" Sakura said between breaths.

"I was taking a bath when Sasuke came barging in. I was rinsing my hair when he pulled be above the water yelling 'Breath damn it!' and then he has the nerve to KISS me! I mean we only did it like one time and Itachi paid us!" Gaara ranted as he grabbed a towel that was in his hand and wrapped it around himself.

"How did you get wet?" Sakura asked getting up off the floor in the kitchen.

"He pushed me in after I tried to save his life." Sasuke said as Gaara humphed and walked up to his room.

"Well, go change I will be right here." Sakura said walking over to the fridge and pulling out a glass of milk.

Sasuke then ran upstairs and changed into dry clothes and rushed back down the stairs to find Sakura sitting at the table again with milk now dripping down her chin slightly.

"What?" Sakura asked as he lunged for her and pined her against the wall.

**YEAH ITS REALLY LONG! ITS 14 FREAKIN PAGES LONG! AND I DID IT ALL FROM SCRATCH!!!!! SO REVIEW PLEASE AND MAYBE ILL PUT IN A NEW LEMON..!!!!!!!!!**

Signed

-_The Puppet Master_


	6. Itachi want quiet, and NOW!

1It was now 3am, Sasuke and Sakura walked further into the house to find Itachi sitting at the dining room table with a newspaper in his hand.

"What happened to you two, you look like shit." Itachi said folding the news paper.

"You try to look good after almost getting killed by fangirls!" Sasuke said plopping down next to his brother. Sakura took the seat next to him.

"You stink like dog shit." Itachi said flipping a page.

""I don't stink, I smell manly! Sasuke said leaning back into his chair.

"Well you smell like something died on you, go take a shower, and when you die I'll send a racoon to your funeral." Itachi said getting up and walking to the stairs.

"Why on earth would you send a racoon to a funeral?" Sakura asked him extremely confused.

"Cause their meaner than ducks." and that was the last word they heard him say all night as he vanished into his dark room to do unimaginable things to the victims that he caught in his little chicken outfit.

"Yawn I'm tired im gonna go to bed." Sakura said heading up the stairs also.

"You coming Sasuke?" Sakura asked turning around and looking at the table in the dining room.

But Sasuke wasn't there.

"Sasuke?" she repeated and began to descend the stairs when a whosh of wind passed her on the steps making her fall forward into a pair of outstretched arms.

"Sasuke! Thats mean don't do that!" Sakura chided as she looked up into the eyes of the said Uchiha.

"Sorry, I just love to save you." he said then kissed while still in his arms.

"And I love it when you do." Sakura said returning the kiss.

She wrapped her arms around his neck to keep from falling cause he had yet to straighten her up fully.

Sasuke noticed her discomfort when kicked the wall. He then pulled her up right and then jumped to the top of the stairs and continued his assault on her lips.

Sakura was now pressed against the wall and a 'hard' place as Sasuke moved down to her neck.

Sakura moaned as Sasuke pulled down her tang top off her shoulders and was now massaging her left breast.

The moment would have lasted longer if they hadn't been in front of Itachi's door. For he slammed the door open hitting the two and making them fall to the floor.

"GOD CAN'T YOU TWO MAKE BABIES SOME WHERE ELSE!" Itachi yelled at the two.

Sakura just covered her chest from the shirtless Uchiha infront of her.

'I guess all Uchihas have great abs.' Sakura thought as she stared at Itachi's bar chest.

"Sasuke, you might want to watch Sakura cause I think that she likes me more then you." Itachi said smirking at the flush on Sakuras checks.

"Well, got night Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said as Itachi flung her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and walked to her room and threw her in.

He then walked back to Sasuke and smirked as he reached out his arms.

"_Itachi!_" Sasuke roared as he backed away. "YOU FUCKING RAPIST, DON'T YOU _DARE _TOUCH ME –!" too late. Itachi then grabbed him by the arm and swung him around his body by his arm and leg and chucked him into his room and did a jutsu to put a special lock on the door so it wouldn't open up till morning.

Itachi then grinned and walked back to his room "I wonder if it was a bad idea to do that incase a fire started?' Itachi asked himself but then shrugged and shut his own door.

Sasuke started to pound on the door.

"Itachi you better not set the fucking house on fire!" Sasuke yelled to the door.

"CHEESE!" Sasuke heard someone yell. He then covered his eyes as if a random fangil tried to take his picture, but when no click came did he opened his eyes and blinked twice then went to his window.

"Cheese!" Sai yelled running around in a square in the back yard.

"Sai get the hell out of my yard you cross dressing freak!" Sasuke yelled.

"Sasuke, go suck a log!" Sai yelled back jumping over the shrubbery and into the neighbors yard to bug the fuck out of who ever was unfortunate enough to live next to an excessive emo and his cereal killing brother.

"Yosh! Sai my youthful friend where did you go?!" came the voice of Lee as he came crashing through a bush on the other side of the yard. The only problem was that he was completely naked.

"GAHH! My eyes!!!!!" Sasuke yelled as he slammed his fists to his face making him fall over backwards into the room as Lee jumped over the fence after Sai and to the unfortunate neighbors yard.

A couple was sitting in their lounge watching a movie and having a glass of wine.

"Honey" the woman, asked her husband.

"hmmm" he said, totally uninterested.

"There's a naked boy with a bowel cut, huge eyebrows and a hairy chest running through our back yard"

"That's nice dear" he said not looking up as the bowl cut kid ran by.

The next Day was uneventful. Naruto came over to talk to Sakura who was sitting on the couch in the living room next to Itachi who was watching tv but not really because he was supper bored. Sasuke was in the shower and didn't know Naruto was here.

"Hey." Sasuke said as Gaara came and sat down in the living room holding a book called "Pretty Freaken Scary" and had his head phones in his ears.

The faint sound of "This is Halloween" by Marylin Manson could be heard from behind his red hair.

Gaara just nodded and took a seat on a chair parallel to the Uchiha.

"Hey Sakura-chan, want to have a party again?" the 17 year old Naruto asked putting on his kawi chibi fox face.

"Fine, we can have people come over around 8. Right Itachi?" "sure."

"Cool!" Naruto yelled

Naruto thanked her then bugged Sasuke for about two hours then went home.

At eight o'clock.

"So everyone's here?" Ino asked as she hung off of Shikamarus shoulder.

"Narutos not here." Hinata said sadly.

Then there was a BANG at the window and there was Naruto plastered to the glass like a dead bird.

"Never mind, Narutos here." Hinata said opening the window to let her boyfriend fall in.

Sasuke smirked as Naruto laid on the ground as a flash back hit him from the day he met the dobe.

FLASHBACK

_Sasuke Uchiha was sitting in his 5th grade (ninja grade) class and all the girls where oggiling him, and one red headed girl that was basicaly molesting him, which was totally wrong cause how old he was, and he was currently trying not to freak out and go all ninja on her ass. when the door burst open._

_A brightly dressed Blonde boy came in, wearing bright blue pants he was obviously walking on, an orange shirt, and many neon accessories_. _Only this boy would be so daring as to blind the entire faculty… and half the student body._

"_Everyone, this is Uzamaki Naruto. He is transferring to our class so please welcome him." Iruka-sensia said. All the kids gave Naruto dirty looks. They didn't know why they didn't like him, they just learned to hate him from their parents._

_As the blonde haired boy walked looked at Sasuke and smiled and walked toward him, or rather the girls around him. As the blonde made his way up the stairs he tripped falling up the stairs and landed at Sasukes feet successfully knocking the redheaded molesty and the other fangilrs away form him . He looked up at the Uchiha and gave a cheeky smile. Sasuke just smirked at that and knew they would be friends. Or at least keep the fangirls away._

"Hey! Who wants to play truth or dare?" Naruto said jumping up knocking Sasuke from his thoughts, when he did he almost hit Hinata.

But that doesn't mean she didn't fall over.

Hinata gasped as her feet slipped from under her in an attempt to not get hit by the ADD challenged boyfriend.

But before her butt hit the ground Naruto scooped her up into his arms.

"Hey, Hinata the games over here love." and carried her over bridal style to sit on the couch next to Kiba.

Neji then looked up from behind the couch where he was making strained noises.

"Hey Ugh! who has the bottle?" Neji asked referring to see who would get truthed or dared.

"GOT IT!" Itachi said chugging a beer bottle and then tossing it to the middle of the group. It landed on Sasuke who was currently sipping his own beer.

"Spin it." Sakura said sitting down next to him.

He spun it and it landed on Itachi

"Ok UGH we'll start ugh from there!" Neji yelled as what ever he was doing exploided and white sticky stuff landed on Gaara who happened to be sitting on the big ass couch infront of him.

"Dude, I lost my yogurt." Neji sighed sadly and walked into the kitchen to get another one.


	7. Truth or dare? and an important note

1

"Ten-ten-chan!" Neji called as he walked back into the room.

"What?" she asked looking up from a magazine.

"We're playing truth or dare come on!" Neji grabbed her arm and led her to the living room.

"Ok, Itachi truth or dare?"

"Dare me." Itachi said taking another beer.

"Ok, I dare you to say 'In Bed' after everything you say." Sasuke said with a smirk.

"Okay, In bed." Itachi said.

"Hahahahaha!" everyone laughed.

"Shut up! In bed." Itachi said as he spun the bottle. It landed on Temari who was sitting in Shikamarus lap.

"Truth dare double dare promise to repeat. In bed" Itachi said bored.

"Promise to repeat." Temari said.

Itachi got a smirk on his face and leand over and whispered something in her ear.

"Fine." Temari said and stood up.

She opened her mouth and said "Gaara and Sasuke made gay Yaio and it online. Gaara and Sasuke Yaio, Gaara and Sasuke Yaio." Temari repeated with a huge grin on her face as she saw her younger brother blush with a killing glint in his eyes as Sasuke grabbed Sakura and hid behind her.

Gaara jumped on his older sister like a rabid bunny with a killer intent. "Shuddup…Shuddup…Shuddup…Shuddup…" He muttered rapidly, attacking her with a toilet wand.

"THAT'S INSANITARY!" Yelped Kiba. Pointing a clawed finger at the siblings.

sharp whistle

"Gaara! Here Gaara!" Kankuro said holding up a stuffed bear in his hand.

Gaara twitched and paused but didn't turn around.

"Leave Temari alone." he said again dangling the stuffed anime in his brothers face as if to lure him away from the blonde.

"GIVE ME THE FUCKING TEDDYBEAR!"

"Now, now, Gaara -"

"I'M GOING TO CHOP YOUR BALLS OFF!"

"Gaar-"

"-WITH A RUSTY BUTTERKNIFE!"

"Shit! here!" Kankuro then tossed the bear to the psychotic brother and ran for the hills. Ten cans of Mountain Dew and 100 pixie sticks later Gaara and Naruto were currently singing the song to Barney in the back room.

"Ok, some one tell them to shut up before I shove a laxative down there throats!" Ten-ten yelled as Naruto sang "I love you!" and glomped Gaara making them fall to the floor.

"How would laxatives help?" Sakura asked from Sasukes lap.

"I don't know but it would be funny." Ten-ten replied as he eye twitched.

"I guess it would be, in the 12 year olds fighting to the death kind a way." Ino said from Shikamarus right.

"Gaara, you know what would be cool!? If we could like turn into animals!" Naruto giggled as he tried to stand up, but his inner ear was off and just ended up falling over, and taking a freaked out Gaara with him.

"Ahhh!" they yelled as they fell down a randomly placed stair case.

Silence

Silence

"I'll go..." Sasuke said as he got up, walked down the stairs and came back up carrying one hyper active giggling fox demon high on pixy sticks over one shoulder and an insomnia psychopathic glaring racoon on the other. He then dumped them none to gently onto the ground by the 'Circle of friendship' or what ever the hell Sai had called it.

Naruto was still in a daze like drunken stupper as he sat there on the floor swaying slightly, he then began to curse wildly at nothing.

"God damn it! Why is the fucking room spining!? It smells like shitty shitty bang bang shitty shitty bang bang! GO to hell!" Naruto yelled like he had a concusion.

"Are you quite done now? As lovely as your vocabulary has become over the years you still need to learn more professional terms for a better career choice. That stripper job you have now can't possibly be paying that well dobe. It's why we have something called school. Now go take a shower, you smell like alcohol and I don't remember having any in the house at the moment."

Sasuke said with a hand on his face at his idiot friend.

Naruto stood up and walked into the bathroom.

Gaara was still sitting on the ground with the sam passive face on.

"Hey Gaara," Sakura asked.

Gaara looked at her.

"Can an narcoleptic person have insomnia?"

"Don't know." Gaara said as he stood up and

And so ya know, the night consists of these things: Magic markers, broken bottles, power outages, and a drunk Naruto.

It was a few hours in and about oh say 2 am and Sai found the magic markers and gave them to Naruto who had, had Kakashi come over with beer, and well Naruto had a lil too much fun.

"I have magic markers and ADD, oh the thrills I will have." Naruto said.

"Hey Temari..." Sai said sexy into her ear.

"What Sai?" Temari said folding her arms under her chest.

"Wanna fuck?"

Temari looked at him and then closed her eyes in annoyance.

"No." she said finally.

"I know you want my body." He said wrapping his arm around her shoulders

"You wish" Temari said slipping from his grasp

"What if I said I had a six pack?" he said grabbing her by her waist and pressed her to the wall.

"I prefer a keg" Temari glared at him

Somewhere a fat man sneezed.

Shikamaru walked up to the two , and cocked an eyebrow in annoyance.

"Thank goodness you're here! This woman was trying to make me have mad, passionate s sex with her." Sai said jumping away from the fuming wind user.

He then landed next to Gaara who then started talking to him.

"I started being really proud of the fact that I was gay even though I wasn't." Gaara said, but Sai then tuned him out as he was hit in the head by a giant

On the other side of the room

"Hey, Kakashi-sensie you should call Iruka-sensie, since he was the first person to get you laid in like 2 years." Sakura said.

Iruka then walked up from behind her.

Kakashi twitched.

"Thank you, sweet Sakura-Chan, for that little bit if information that Iruka-Sensei did _not_ need." Kakashi said dryly.

"I need more beer!" Kiba yelled from the Uchihas bar that he was tending.

"Kakashi, you know the liquor sales people, go get us some beer!" Kiba yelled and chucked 40 bucks at his head.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on Iruka, lets go before you hear something else that would make me want to kill my student." Kakashi then left with Iruka on his tail.

"Kakashi, better let me hang onto that-" Iruka then grabbed Kakashis arm right when he was going down the stairs to walk onto the road, thus making him fall off the steps and drag Iruka down ontop of his torso with a slight 'oof'.

Unfortunetly there were girlscouts having a camp sleep over thing in Sasukes neighbors yard and so a bunch of small children and a couple adults with disapproving faces were looking at them.

"As much as I am turned on about this position I really don't want a large group of people to watch us have sex on the sidewalk. True, it could probably sell for some good money... But it was already embarrassing enough." Iruka then shot up with a dark blush and started for the beer store. Kakashi chuckled and walked after him leaving a bunch of young girls to ask specific questions to the adults about what just happened.

"Hey Sasuke-teme, why are there girls scouts in your front yard?" Naruto asked leaning out the window to watch the retreating forms of his old sensies.

"That's not the way to the liquor store." Sakura said watching them make a turn on a street.

"Because dobe, they are actually ninja mokeys in disguise and are plotting our demise." Sasuke said crossing his arms.

"How that rimed." Neji said coking his head to the side at the morbid but poetic Uchiha.

"He gets it from me." Itachi said.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but jumped when he felt a pinch in a place where pinches really shouldn't be placed.

He turned around to see the retreating form a Gaara as he went to sit next to Itachi.

"Holy shit! Did you just touch my butt?!" Sasuke asked/yelled.

"No, dumb ass I hit your head." Gaara said with Sarcasm, which in turn was currently the longest sarcastic thing that he had said in his life.

Temari fainted.

Sasuke then saw Itachi grab Gaaras ass, which made him jump and land in the person sitting next to him, lap. (Crap I cant make that sentance work. But u know what I mean.)

That person happened to be Sai.

Gaara gave the 'Cute Panda confused Puppy Dog Eyes' to Sai as the raven haird boy smirked.

"Well Gaara-kun, I had no idea you felt this way. If I did I would have worn boxers." Sai said wrapping his arms around the stunned and really confused, now, Gaara.

"You aren't wearing boxers?" Naruto asked as he plopped down to the right of Sasuke and the left of Hinata.

"Maybe.." Sai said still holding Gaara.

"Oh, what youthfulness of Yaio is this? I thought that you were Sasukes-kuns uke, not Sai-kun's." Lee said from Sasukes right.

A vain popped in Sasukes forehead as he went to smack the bowl cutted spandex clad idiot in the head, when the door bell rang.

"PIZZA!" both Naruto and Lee yelled right into Sasukes ear from both sides, thus making Sasukes eyes widen in shock as he fell over backwards and started to bleed from the ears.

"Who ordered pizza, and who's paying for it?" Kiba asked sitting up with Ino, apparently he and Ino got together cause Temari kicked her out of the 'pimp show' so shes with Kiba now.

"Not it!" Neji said putting a finger to his nose.

"Nope." Sai and Gaara said putting a finger to their noses.

"Nuh-uh" Sakura said again with the nose thing.

"Hell no!" Sasuke said.

"Got no money." Itachi said.

"Liar!" Sasuke yelled tackling him to the floor.

"Yeah-no." Neji said grabbing Ten-ten and heading for the bathroom door.

Ten-ten had grabbed Hinata by the arm. "Huh?" Hinata asked as she was whisked away from paying the bill.

"Yo, this Pimp aint got no money hoe." Shikamaru said with his pimping hat on and arm around Temari.

"Hey, hes got all my money." Temari said pointing to her boyfriend.

"What?" Naruto said as everyone looked at the blonde

Naruto sighed as he got up and got the pizza.

"PIZZA!" Lee shouted and appeared from out of no where.

"Hey! Where were you when the bill came?!" Naruto yelled as he threw the Pizzas down on the table.

"In my nice state of youthfulness. Yosh!" Lee ran off with his slice.

Hinata came back in, but without Ten-ten or Neji.

"Hey Hinata, where's your cause and his girlfriend?" Kiba asked.

"T-they n-n-needed their a-alone time." Hinata said blushing.

Kiba just shrugged it off and grabbed as slice of cheese.

"Every man for himself!" Kakashi yelled as Gaara and Sai jumped for the same pizza slice, it just ended in a brawl.

**YEAH! I GOT A NEW CHAPPY! OK, SO HERES THE DEAL. IM GETTING BORED OF WRITTING RANCH TAKENASHI SO IM GOING TO END IT IN LIKE TO CHAPTERS , CAUSE I WANT TO WRIGHT A NEW ONE, ONE ABOUT NARUTO SASUKE SAKURA AND KAKASHI GOING TO HOGWARTS AS SECURETY NINJAS ONE FOR EACH HOUSE. IT WOULD BE A YAIO, SASUNARU OF COURSE, AND DON'T WORRY I WONT HAVE ANY OF THE HP PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE WITH ANY OF THE NARUTO PEOPLE, JUST THEM BEING SUDUCTIVE AND SUCH, BUT YEAH...**.

Singed

-_The Puppet Master_


	8. Poor Gaara

1"Every man for himself!" Kakashi yelled as Gaara and Sai jumped for the same pizza slice, it just ended in a brawl.

"Sasuke you can get off him now." Sakura said calmly looking away from two really hot psycho killers with no emotions to look at her boyfriend and boyfriends brother/family killer aka Itachi .

"Why? don't you like it Sakura?" Itachi said looking at her seductively and ground his hips upward onto Sasukes making him groan, but he didn't out loud cause he's an Uchiha and that's the way he rolls. Plus it was Itachi, and it was his sadistic brother that was strait but was obsessed with Yaoi.

Sasuke was still straddling Itachis waist from when he 'supermaned' it across the room.

Sakura blushed at that.

Sasuke caught onto the joke **(yeah like you could understand Itachi) **and said "Yeah Sakura, we could even do a three way with Itachi." Sasuke said winking at her.

"You know you'd like it, I mean we Uchihas are known for our big 'backages'" Itachi said seductively smirking at the young medic nin.

Sakura then got an evil glint in her eye and that made the two nervous, yaio looking, boys well even more nervous.

"Yes, Itachi we should do that sometime. I mean I have only done a three way with Ino and Temari, but I'm always open to suggestions." Sakura purred, in such a way to make any gay man become straight.

A couple of the guys pants tightened at that suggestion.

'Wait what! She wasn't supposed to say that! Yo, were having a little trouble down here captain!' Said that little army in Sasukes pants.

"Hahaha, I'm just kidding." Sakura fell over laughing at the face that Sasuke just had.

Itachi then pushed Sasuke up and went to grab a slice of pizza.

Sasuke just fell over onto the floor. Yet another blockage for Lee to overcome on his journey to the Pizzadome country, place, thing...

"Move!" Lee said as he launched at Itachi attempting to nock him out of the way. Itachi just flipped his shoulder to the left and sent Lee crashing into the couch and ontop of Ten ten who screamed and pushed him over and away from her chest, and onto Neji who was beyond pissed.

"No!!!!" Lee said as he was dragged away to a scary dark closet to be locked in for the rest of the dinner.

"Candy!" Sai said randomly as he threw thirteen boxes of Pocky into the middle of the dog pile that consisted of Tenten and well just Tenten cause Neji and Lee left.

"Sai!" she yelled as she popped her head up from under all those boxes and grabbed one and chucked it at his head.

It bounced off with a dull thunk and landed by Sakura who looked down at it and opened it up and took out one stick and began to suck on it, which made Sasuke and the other boys jealous of the candy. Who the hell gets jealous of candy? 'Apparently me.' Sasuke thought.

"What?" Sakura asked as she popped the candy out of her mouth with a slick pop and looked at the glaring boys eyeing her candy with death glares and tents in her pants.

"AHHHH!" was Lees mournful cry. Neji was walking out of the closet with a pair of ripped green spandex.

"Oh, you didn't." Kakashi said with a disgusted smirk on his face.

"Sex with Lee? No. Stripped Lee of his clothes so he wouldn't come out anymore. Yes."

"Light them on fire!" Sai said as he popped up from being dead and scaring the shit out of Kiba who had decided to let Akimaru piss on him.

"No, we don't need no water let the motherfucker burn!" Sakura yelled.

"Hell yeah! Give me some sugar!" Sai said, but then was bombarded by 12 of the thirteen boxes of pocky, courtesy of Sasuke. 12 you asked? What happened to number 13? Well Sakura has that box. And noone dare remove it from her grasp.

"GAH!" Sai said as he was knocked put by a huge jumbo box.

'Death by Pocky sticks, haha.' Gaara thought as he looked at the creepy boy, then realized he was looking in a mirror, so then he turned around and acted like nothing happened. Innocent whistle.

Now Sai in his state of, well retardedness, walked up to Itachi and Sasuke.

"Whoa, don't tell me you two are like my long lost brothers?" Sai said swinging his arms around Itachi and Sasuke.

'Damn I missed one.' Itachi thought.

Sasuke just twitched and said "I can barely stand one brother. Now go kiss Gaara or something."

"I am not gay!" Gaara yelled from next to a mirror that he was just being vein in front of 4 second before.

Sasuke glared at Sai grabbing the boys wrists and swinging him around until he slipped from his grasp and hit the couch where Gaara was sitting. The mirror next to Gaara broke.

"Way to go. Now you have seven years bad luck." Gaara said closing his eyes and crossing his legs and arms.

"Quick knock on wood!" Kakashi yelled.

Knock

Knock

"Not you Lee." Sakura yelled as she sat on Sasukes lap.

"Wheres the damn Pizza I know there was more than that." Sakura said to Sasukes as she pointed to what Kiba had in his hand.

"Yes, the rest is on the table over there." Sasuke said as Sakura got up to get a slice.

"Hey Sai." Gaara said to the upside down boy, said boy's head was turned up and his back was to the front of the couch..

"Hey Gaara." Sai said as his ass decided it wanted to get down and he flipped himself and hit his head.

"Ow." Sai said as Gaara just sighed and took another sip of beer.

"Gaara have my babies!" Sai yelled as he glomped Gaara off the couch.

"WTF?" Gaara said as he fell over.

"Awww, how cute Gaaras Yaoi!" Temari said as she cupped her hands together at her brother, who was currently being molested by a Sasuke copy.

Back to the Pizza hunt.

Sakura threw her head in the air as she climbed onto Itachi's shoulder, she then began to laugh randomly. Sasuke looked at her like she was on crack, which she probably was, knowing Kakashi and all...

"Sakura I think you've had to much sugar." Sasuke said hiding the pocky.

"Haha wait till I'm drunk!" Sakura gripped onto Itachi's head as he leaned down to grab another piece of pizza , Sasuke clambered **(haha I love that word)** onto his brother as well, being too short to get over Kakashi, Gai **(who let him in?) **Asuma, and Itachis lil fishy friend with the big ass sword, not sure when he got there either. They were all huddled around the new box of Pizza, and were making a circle around it so anyone shorter then them couldn't get in to grab a slice.

"Hey, this isn't a free ride little brother" Itachi said as he tried to push his little brother away from his back and from the hungry ninjas currently attaching the pizza boxes.

"Sakura's on you." Sasuke said with a pout.

"Yea well she's a girl, get a sex change and then I'll consider letting you ride. Trust me I prefer girls" Sakura just giggled as Itachi pushed him off and laughed jokingly.

"I can trust you as far as I can throw you and we already found out at the last family picnic that that's not very far." Sasuke said with a glare.

He then smirked and ducked under his knees and gripped his pants and pulled down, officiously sharking him in front of a room full of ninjas.

"Gah!!!!!" Itachi said as he fell over trying to get his pants back up, that just ended up knocking Sakura back and onto the couch.

"Hahahaha!" Sakura did a belly laugh as she fell ontop of Sai the molester and Gaara the molesty. "Help me!" Gaara shouted as he tried to claw away from Sakura who just erupted into laughter that makes people think your crazy.

**(You know what I mean, when you just get that laugh that you can feel all the way down to your bladder? Yeah thats what she did.)**

Sasuke suddenly got hot, and it wasn't from Sakura, **(surprising?) **He then noticed that his A/C had exploded due to the fact that some random blonde kid, AKA Naruto, had slammed into it after Kiba handed him an exploding pen. **(AU: Wow where did that come from? Lauren: from when dad went into the bar in Alaska and the bartender gave him it.) **

It was about 90 degrees AND it was night.

'Stupid heat god why must you forsaken me!?' Sasuke thought mentally jumping into a pool.

"Sasuke! Get back in here were not done!" Sakura shouted from the living room, she had her shirt off, and was wearing a string bikini top, and so where the other girls, including Hinata who was being oggled and hit on by ninjas that liked her breast size, but then the ninjas were threatened to be castrated, or worse be done to them what happened to Shikamaru. It was all done by Neji, Hinatas over protective causin. But that didn't stop Naruto from making out with her.

"Hey, wasn't I just in there?" Sasuke asked as he walked through the door into the living room/family room.

'Stupid time space continuum. Damn you Itachi for screwing up the teleportation thingy in my house' Sasuke thought as he went over to Sakura

"What about a teleportation machine?" Itachi asked his younger brother, who just looked at him with a terrified expression on his face.

"Stay out of my mind you fucking mind reader. Don't you have anything better to do then occupy my mind!?" Sasuke shouted.

"No, and someone has to, now sit." Kakashi said as he plopped down on the couch and took out his book cum cum paradise.

And then the bottle came out for people to spin.

"Ok, whos turn is it?" Sakura asked as she sat next to Sasuke.

"I'll go!" Naruto yelled making Kibas ears bleed who was sitting next to him.

Spin

Spin

Spin

"Yeah! Itachi!" Temari yelled glomping him with a cucumber in one hand, and a i-pod connector in the other. She started singing 'Fergalisious' then getting pulled off by a angry Shikamaru.

"It didn't even land of him. God how troublesome."

Spin

Spin

land

Sakura.

"Ok Sakura-chan I dare you to... fix my pen." Naruto said smuggly holding out a silver pen that had no tip.

"What the fuck kind of dare is that?" Sasuke said from beside Sakura.

"Chill Sasuke-kun, I'll just fix this damn th-" she was cut off for when she grabbed the pen and tried to click it a shock of electricity ran through it and into her hand.

"AHHH!" she screamed as she threw the pen away behind the couch where you could hear a "Ow" and then a "Hey cool pen" and then finally "SHIIIT!!!" and then Gaara popped up with his shirt half way off his hair tussled and bite marks all over his body.

Gaara had a freaked out look on his face as he plopped down next to Kiba.

"What the fuck did he do to you Gaara?" Sasuke asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." he said as he pulled a computer mouse from his pants.

**(Sorry I was writing this after I took a couple sleeping pills. Oh the then couple of sentances are gonna be fun. I have a computer, a bottle of spring water, a bag of Doritos two sleeping pills, and fanfiction readers, oh the thrills I will have.!)**

"Ok..." Sakura said looking at the insomniac as she spun the bottle and it landed on, dun dun duuuunn Naruto!

"Ok truth dare double dare, or promise to repeat?"

"Double dare." Naruto said puffing out his chest.

"Ok I dare you to...


	9. yeah, im kinda done

1"Ok I dare you to go to the drug store that Kakashi and Iruka get their condoms from and bye a pack of Ice breakers liquid ice mints, in you underwear. And then have Gaara go all Yaoi on your ass" Sakura said folding her arms.

"Oh yeah! More footage!" Itachi yelled grabbing his sony camera.

"No! I was already molested once this evening thank you very much." said person complained.

"Oh, while your out can you pick up a couple boxes of mega condoms for me and Iruka?" Kakashi asked as he licked the outer shell of Irukas ear..

"Would they be for you or Iruka?" Sai said from his cat like position next to Kiba

Kiba was twitching like a dead squirrel.

"ME! Of course!" Kakashi yelled pumping his fist into the air.

"Oh, and could you get an ice pack too?" Kiba said with an eye spasm.

"Sure, what for?" Naruto asked blinking.

"For this!" Kiba yelled as he attacked Sai who reminded him of a cat.

"Anything else while im out?" Naruto asked getting up ignoring the brawl on Sasukes carpet.

"Um, how about some pads, and a EPT?" Temari asked.

Gaara looked at her and then Sihkamaru. Then he gave a battle cry and started chasing Shikamaru around the house with a pair of hedge clippers in hand and a potato in the other.

"No, no, no. bad boy is going to get castrated, just like the gerbils." Lee said laying down on Sakuras lap. She then punched him in the face. "Owe" Lee said sitting up and then getting thrown across the room by Sasuke.

"Gerbils?" Hinata asked ducking as Lee came flying through the air like Mr K.** (Beetles rock!)**

"Yeah, Casinova was bad. He made babies." Sasuek said and closed his eyes.

No one else was paying attention to them.

"-and when you get back I'll tell you the second part of the double dare." Sakura said as Naruto began to strip to reveal a pair of black lose boxers with tiny pink skulls on them.

"The fuck?! Those are mine!" Gaara yelled tackling Naruto to the ground. The potato still in his hand, but the hedge clippers and Shikamaru where missing...

"Shika? Honey, are you alright out there?" Temari asked out the door.

"No..." came his shaky reply

Naruto just 'eped' and fell over as he was hit with a red head of energy, and a potato.

"This night just keeps getting better and better." Itachi said filming Gaara pulling down Naruto's err Gaaras boxers, leaving Naruto to cover himself.

Kakashi looked up from what ever the hell he was doing just now to look up at Naruto.

He almost looked like he would ask Naruto something in a serious tone something that would like the answer to the meaning of life but of course, this was Kakashi-sensei and nothing out of his mouth was ever truly serious.

"Have you been eating enough fiber, Naruto-kun? You look a bit constipated."

"What?" Naruto asked now really confused as he momentarily stopped covering himself to look at his strange perverted sensei.

"Your butt naked. And standing in my living room" Sasuke said with a smirk as Naruto was brought back from his confused trip from Kakashi land.

"God Naruto cover yourself!" Sakura said shielding her eyes.

"My Virgin eyes!" Temari yelled falling over.

"You better fuck be a virgin Temari!" Gaara yelled.

"Gah!" naruto said running into the bathroom. But Choji was just in it, and well there is a reason that Ino and Shikamru don't go near him after he eats Italian.

"FUCK!" Naruto yelled as he fell from the bathroom door holding his nose.

"Ok, how about I dare you to wear Nejis boxers to the drug store and then I shall tell you the rest."

"FINE!" with that Naruto started to charge Neji.

"Oh hell no!" Neji yelled as he ran from the blonde rapist and hid behind Iruka as Naruto made a barrel run and hit Iruka making his fall onto Kakashi who was not paying attention but was glade when he realized who's ass was currently using his face as a seat cushion.

Iruka was just sitting there still dazed from when he was attacked by Naruto when he felt a bite on his ass.

"AHH! What the fuck?!" Iruka yelled grabbing his ass and jumping from the couch.

"Well then you shouldn't tempt me Iruka-kun." Kakashi said jumping him.

Back with Naruto and Neji.

Naruto had ripped off Nejis pants and boxers to reveal dark blue silk boxers and was currently sucking on Nejis dick.

"Oh god!" Neji cried as Naruto sucked harder on hit pulsing cock.

"Shit!" Neji said as Naruto started to nip at the foreskin of the un-circumcised boy.

"Naruto! No bad boy no Yaoi for you!" Sasuke said pulling Narutos mouth from Nejis now fully erect penis.

"I can't help it! Kyuubi is a girl!" Naruto said as he wiped his mouth from Nejis cum.

"Naruto!" Hinata cried as she say him.

"Eh? Oh Hinata, I'm bi so you me and Neji can do three sums!" Naruto said Hinata just nodded as Tenten walked in and glared at him.

"Oh and the same for you Tenten." Naruto said quickly thinking.

"Whatever, just do your dare." Tenten said as she through him out of the house.

"Does that mean I'm bi?" Neji asked as he pulled on his pants.

The song Comando started playing in the background.

On the way to the drug store Sakura, Sasuke, Hinata Kakashi, Gaara, Tenten, Neji, Lee, Sai, Anko, Itachi and his camera were stalking him.

"When the fuck did you get here?" Tenten asked dumbfounded to Anko.

"Well I heard that there was going to be a party at Uchihas and I thought there would be rum flavored tootsie rolls again. Sadly there wasn't any." Anko said as she stopped and Itachi then ran into her back, and because of her short shorts and Itachi's cap under which he wears no pants, went passed Ankos cloak and his dick went up her ass. She did stop as a fast speed.

"AHH uhhh." Anko said as Itachi just realized that he was currently sticking a very hot woman infront of him.

"Ugh!" Itachi said as she moved slightly.

"Ahhh." Anko said again as Itachi pulled out and slammed back in again.

"Ok, im going to leave you two creepy people alone." Tenten said rushing away.

"Hey Tenten wheres my brother?" Sasuke said after they reached the store.

"Fucking Anko." Gaara said matter-of-factually.

"Eww." Sakura and Sasuke said at the same time.

"Shh! Hes going in!" Kakashi said as he peered through the hedge to see through the store window.

"Oh look its Carol the condom man." Kakashi said waving to a man in a condom costume.

"Get down!" Sasuke and Sakura said tackling him to the ground just as Carol the condom man turned around. And it was an awkward position they ended up in.

You see Sakura was laying on her back with Sasukes front to her stomach. Now it wouldn't be so bad if Kakashis back wasn't on the ground and his front was currently pushing into Sakuras back.

So basically Sakura had to hot males pressing onto her, and she had two dicks on both entrances of her body, and one was getting hard and it wasn't Sasukes. Ok it was Sasukes but the other was too.

"AHH thats sexy!" Itachi yelled from no where.

"Weren't you with Anko?" Tenten asked.

"Yes, but I killed her. Apparently she went up in flames like a stick person after I got to a good speed. You know thats how stick people became extinct from the friction." Itachi said filming Kakashis face.

&&&&&

**back to inside the store.**

Ding dong

in comes Naruto in all his glory. Or the black boxers and the door rang.

Naruto then walked around the shelves and only his blonde head could be seen over the counter.

Naruto found the ice packs easy the pads and EPT were right next to each other, and so were the condoms. Anyone notice that pads condoms and EPTs are right next to each other? Coincidence I think not.

"Ok, Mega condoms, mega condoms." Naruto repeated as he tried to find the.

Then on the other side of the isle a tall clerk asked Naruto a question not seeing that he was naked.

"No I got it!" Naruto said holding up a pair of Mega condoms and an ice pack in the same hand with a smile on his face.

"What are you gonna do to her man?!" the guy asked backing up.

"Huh?" Naruto asked as he walked to the other isle to get the ice breakers.

'I'm starting to think I'm just doing there errands rather than a dare.' Naruto thought as he walked up to the counter to pay.

The cashier just looked at him and then like what the fuck.

Well its not every day you see a hot blonde boy in his underwear in a condom/drug store in Japan. Or do you? Na na na na na na na na,** (its supposed to be from twilight zone...I tried.)**

So then he decided to walk out of the store when he got into the dim light of the street lamps he began to descend for the curb in front of the store when Carol the condom man looked straight at him.

Qui 'Shake that ass girl' in the background.

Naruto turned slowly around when he saw him.

"YOU!" Naruto said as he launched at him doing a epic movie jump through the air and attacked him.

"What youthfulness this boy has! Oh Gai-sensei would be so proud." Lee said with stars in his eyes.

"I'm Sure he would be Lee." Sakura said scooting away from him.

"Ok go!" Sasuke said to Gaara, as the red head walked out of the shadows and tapped Naruto on the shoulder.

"Huh?" Naruto asked as he was currently straddling the giant condom and beating the shit out of it.

"Oh my! Naruto-kun!" Hinata gasped and fainted.

"Oh yeah."

"Damn you Cool aid man!" Sakura yelled he fist pumped in the air as the giant red glass of liquid crashed through the wall behind Naruto and Gaara.

"I have nightmares from that man." both Itachi and Sasuke said at the same time.

"Sad." Sakura said sweat droppoing.

"What the fuck is going on out here!" the manager of the store yelled coming outside with a shot gun.

Now to anyone that would not understand the situation it might look like, a red head killer standing next to a giant condom person, who looked like they were getting raped by a blonde fox kid, and then there was the weird cool aid man behind them all.

"I don't want to know." with that the manager walked back inside.

"Lets get this over with." Gaara said as he crashed his lips onto Narutos.

"Oh god, he is actually doing it!" Sakura said to Sasuke, who was crouched down next to her.

"Sad. Hey it looks like its gonna be a three sum with the cool aid man. Oh GOD he has Carol in his arms and now HES RIPPING HIM IN HALF!" Sasuke yelled pointing to the giant pitcher of cool aid.

"No Mr Cool Aid Man! Hes not a real condom! Its just a costum, please wa- never mind." Sakura said after the condom person was ripped in half.

"GAH! No I don't want a fucking three way with you! You crazy instant flavored drink!" Naruto yelled as he ran away with Gaara on his heels.

"Ok, that was the weirdest and most funny thing I have ever seen." Sakura said with a straight face.

Sasuke looked at her and said "I cant believe you sad that with a straight face."

Out of nowhere "Believe it!"

"Ok... I think its time to go home now..." Sakura said as she grabbed the collars of Sasuke and Itachi, who grabbed Kakashi who was really confused.

"Tenten, I'll leave the others for you to get." with that Sakura jumped over the bush and ran back home dragging three men.

"Ok boys! Lets go!"Tenten yelled, and grabbed Sai and Neji, who were strangely quiet the whole time. "Lee you get Hinata." and then she disappeared.

"And if you touch her chest I'll kill you in 12 different ways!" Neji yelled.

"But you only need to kill him once." Sai said as he was drug through a thorn bush, no change in face expression.

"Yes but 11 of those ways are demeaning." Neji said.

"And they would be?" Sai asked.

"1) I cut his balls off with a rusty knife, 2) I shove a water bottle up his ass filled with termites. 3) I dress him up in Sasukes cloths and send him into the Sasuke fan club. 4) I tie him to a post in front of the sasunaru fan club with him wearing a fox outfit."

"Why would that be bad?"

"Because he would get stuck in the ass cause in those things Naruto is always Uke. And Naruto is a fox demon, and they think thats sexy"

"But it is sexy, anyway go on."

"5) I give him to Orochimaru and let him use his imagination , 6) I tell him that Santa isn't real then give him a gun. 7) I remove his appendix through his ass 8) I jab him in the balls with a broom handle. 9) I lock him in the little space above the coat rack closet in the school 10) I push him down a flight of stairs will he's wearing Itachis chicken outfit. And 11) I tell Sasuke that he molested her while he was with Orochimaru."

"Wait didn't you say 12 different ways?" Tenten asked joining the conversation.

"Yes, the 13 would be I cut off his head by tying it to a truck and then his feet to another truck and then have them go in different directions." Neji said folding his arms as he was thrown into a tree.

"Thats visual." Sai said wincing.

"Oh my god! Facial expressions!" Tenten yelled and then ran off.

Back at Home.

"Ok, now wheres Naruto?" Sakura said sitting down on the couch.

"Right here!" Naruto said brining in a half naked Gaara.

"Gaara?" Temari asked softly.

"Don't ask. and yes, I was seme." he said proudly.

Sasuke just looked at Naruto and shook his head.

"Whaaat?" Naruto asked as he plopped down next to Sakura.

"Anyway. Naruto give that crap to whoever." Sakura said waving her hand.

And all was passed out. "Now where are the icebreakers?" Naruto pulled them out of his boxers and held them out to her.

"Ew! No! Now swallow all of them." she said with an evil glint in her eye.

"I hate you!" Naruto jumping up to run, but was football tackled by Sai Itachi and Sasuke.

"Ahh! Its like a family reunion, except it's a killer, a brooding boy, and a kid thats not even related to them." Lee said and clasped his hands together.

"Eat it!" Sakura said jumping him and straddling his waist.

"No!" Naruto said as the small round burning objects were shoved in his mouth.

-Pause-

-Pause-

"Nothing." Neji said sighing.

"Hey, these are go- SHIIIITTT!" Naruto yelled as he ran around the room like a chicken with his head cut off.

"HAHAHAHA!" everyone laughed as he ran into a wall in his attempt to breath.

**OK, I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHERE MY PLOT IS GOING, AND FRANKLY I DON'T CARE IF MY SPELLING OR GRAMMAR WAS OFF IN THIS STORY. CAUSE IM DONE WITH IT, AND I DIDN'T EVEN CHECK THIS SO ITS ALL RAW. SO KEEP YOU FLAMES AND SPELLING CRAP TO YOUR SELF. **


End file.
